Crave You: A Novel

Chapter 2

                                                                                            Scott

He presses his chest against my back. I turn and look into his amber eyes. I see the crescent moon in his pupils, dominating the dusk red sky.

He thrusts his hips forward. Suddenly, the clouds start getting dark. He thrusts his hips sharply again. The grey clouds above us grow large. He rubs my n*****s in circles. Upon hearing me gasp in a thrilling sensation, the thunder cackles from a distance. His rough palms stroke my chest, then slide down to my navel. That makes me feel, the wind is violently picking up. He moves further down, rubs my sides inside, daring, teasingly, not touching me there yet. The agony hears my frustration. That's when the thunder announces their presence nearby. I know they're coming but I can't ignore the way my core keeps stretching me with thrust after thrust, trembling and hurting my swollen girth.

"Feel me? Tell me how good it is, Scott." He spanked my ass, commanding a reply I couldn't think - but I see the clouds gorging the moon hungrily.

"So good that you're shaking me up." Satisfied with my answer, Matt nibbles my earlobe. He grunts breathlessly in my ear. Soon, our slow dance is over. He starts speeding up.

Matt slams his hips furiously against mine. I wrap my arms desperately around his neck. His hands move all over my chest. Lust was laced in his calloused fingertips. As if sensing that, finally, the cloud drops. Lightly. Sensually. As if it was waiting for the right moment. Like his hands travel from my navel to my achingly hard shaft. He wraps it around, claiming me ascendantly.

"Oh, yes, Scott, ye," Matt says aloud as he hits his hips frantically. Suddenly, he licks my neck while pumping my erection fast. The thunder roared in my ears. Somewhere, the wind turns into a storm. And the clouds can't hold themselves any longer. I moan hoarsely, shivering as I feel the downpour burst into heavy rain.

Matt caresses my thighs with my mist. Then he clutches my hips lustily, digging his nails in my flesh. I throw my head against his neck. My back, soaked, press against his sticky hairy chest, as he rips the gate open and releases a raging flood. The clouds continue pouring. It's gloomy and cold. But, it doesn't matter when warm water lashes till my waist.

We still stay in that position. The shudder wasn't gone.

Soon, I was glad it lasted for a minute.

Our breath mingled when our nose touched. Then, we kissed. As we smooch, sultry wet sounds fill his dim musty room. Now, as the sky clears, I can see the moon. Full. And complete. But, my thoughts aren't complete when his iPhone interrupts us.

"Yes?" Matt gets up, his naked back glazing my eyes. His muscles twitch as he tenses up. He wasn't facing me but I could see him rub his chin anxiously.

"Not right now." He said, strained and low. He nods whenever he pauses. He stole glances at me, from time to time, as if I wasn't supposed to be there.

Whoever the caller is, I know Matt doesn't talk like that. Usually, when he takes business calls, he's assertive. Diplomatic. Convincing. Something his investors like about him. They want Matt, their man to the rescue. It seems this isn't one of his times to wear his cape.

Matt pauses and nods his head for one last time before cutting the call, promising the other line he'll get back soon. I think I know what that call might be. So, I asked, "Board meeting?"

He turns to me. His face doesn't move. He lowers his thin lashes, looking away. He throws me to catch the hint, until I ask, pressing him, "You skipped again?"

"I didn't skip again. I wasn't prepared." He says defensively, disappearing into the bathroom.

"Matt, this is the second time. You've missed the meeting twice."

"And I've my reasons to consider why." He said shouting behind the shower. The water guzzles frenziedly. The noise echoes deliberately. I get up and follow inside the mellow luminous room as I adjust my black Jockey briefs. I stand by the sink, resigning myself in disappointment. This is so clear. Matt is avoiding me.

I look at the vast mirror. The steam has clouded the collusion of a habit we keep running in circles. He's not the best at expressing his problems. I'm not the best at making him talk. We hide our displeasure in each other's skin. At least I think I do.

I wipe the haze from the glass. I look at myself for the years I've put up with Matt.

Two years isn't a joke. I never thought one day I'll take Matt home after my long-distance girlfriend broke up with me.

The vodka wasn't hitting my mind. I wanted something strong. I wanted to be woozy. I wanted to dance. I wanted to kiss someone. I wanted to take someone home, to forget the misery I was left behind to tend to myself. That's how, under the neon lights, Matt happened.

In the Nitrate bar, our gazes met, hot and messy, amidst the sweaty bodies shaking the night away. We caught that night and made love like nothing in this world can stop us from getting high. After that lust-filled amazing night, I realized - I don't want Matt. I need him.

After a year of fooling around in Jackson's Maestro's gay bar, at his home, trying public s*x in Kamper park at dead of the night, he became my satisfaction I didn't ask for. We were good in bed. But not in our relationship.

I want to understand his mind. His fear. His trouble. His longings. I want him to share with me what he is feeling inside. He doesn't give me that access when I want him to let out. He pushes me away. And all I can do is, drop my briefs on the floor.

I walk toward the door. As I pulled the handle, I saw the magnificent beast's backside bewitching in a hazy smoke in the tiny space.

Matt turns around wiping away warm droplets from his eyes. I close the door behind me. I join him and stroke his chest. Then glide my hand down further. He grabs my behind, pulls me close, and smirks, giving me a wolfish growl. I told him why I was there, "Babe, don't hide your troubles from me."

"I'm not. It's only a small problem. Nothing serious. Let it be where it is." Matt said, nonchalantly. This wasn't what I wanted to hear.

"Look. No matter what the issue is. Whatever is going on in your head, I want you to share with me. Half of the time you seem distant. Half of the time I feel like I don't know you." I stroked his wet cheek moving my thumb to his swollen bottom lip where a drop sat deliciously. When I was about to wipe it away, he pushed my hand.

"Look, I appreciate you being there for me. But, I want some space, alright. There's pressure. It's just I'm making some decisions at work, okay. Nothing you should worry about. Let it be where things are."

"I don't understand why you wouldn't tell me everything. If your project is struggling, tell me. If you're having some problems, share them with me. I might be able to help you."

"I told you there's nothing wrong! I don't need your help, Scott. It's my business. I can damn very well manage on my own!" Matt raised his voice. He shut his eyes, covered his palms on his face, and pushed his platinum hair back. I stare at him in surprise. I can't believe how obstinate he is. Like a petulant grown man refusing to throw away his ego.

I grit my teeth. All of a sudden, I feel, the small space around us seems too suffocating for me to stand under the running water with a man who's being self-involved in nothing but his pride. I wanted to reach for the gel bottle and throw it at his head for treating me like I was only a display in his trophy cabinet.

"I shouldn't have told you about that meeting," Matt said sternly before turning off the shower. He was about to push the door. I could've let him go. I should've. But instead, I stopped him.

"You can't do this on your own."

"What?" He asked, perplexed.

To show him what I meant, I went down on him, keeping my expression impassive. I didn't look away as I dropped to my knees. I was focused on matching his gaze.

"I'm not in the mood now, Scott." He muttered, disgruntled.

I replied, taking his wilt in my hand. I squeeze it firmly before I massage him agonizingly. I give my best, reminding him how much he means to me.

Matt's nostrils flare. His lips part, giving out a hissing sound as I see him awake in full glory. I slither my tongue, teasing him underneath from base to top.

"Scott, babe." He moans my name.

I want to gain his trust. Make him believe me. Make me his own. That's what I do. I take him in fully. I bury myself till his length soothes down in me. I don't stop there. I gorge him.

Matt moves his hips forward. He was matching my rhythm, lacing his burly fingers in my hair tightly. Both hands trap my head between his legs. I had nowhere to go. He was making his intention very clear.

I wanted to desperately gain his love. His affection. I was focusing on assuring him that he can not only have my body. He can have my soul and put that sacred part in his soul. I show him tenaciously. I show him as my head bobs back and forth.

Matt moans in delight. That's what I want. Pleasure him till he trusts me. Then, in a blinding light, we collide. He pushes me deep. He groans loudly as he releases all his ego. As I drink, I taste his annoyance, pride, anger, and lust for me. Where is love? Why can't I taste that?

As we finish, I release him. I get up licking my lips. Matt heaves softly. He turns the shower on. He pulls me under the rain placing his hands on my hips. Then, he kissed me fervently while the hot stream cascaded down my spine. After we part, he opens the door and steps out. Leaving me.

I hear the door clink. Then shut. Once again - I'm alone. In a small space, the glass door stands as a barrier between me and him.

I finish washing his scent off me. As I come out, I see his sinewy, athletic physique, impeccably dressed in semi-casuals. He retrieves his iPhone from his bed. "I'll be late." He said, zipping his laptop bag hurriedly.

"As usual." I roll my eyes. I didn't bother to ask if I should wait. When I know the answer.

"Sorry. Let's catch up on Sunday." He said turning the knob. I go near him. We kiss routinely. Surprisingly, his hand slips down my back, past my waist, and then disappears inside my towel. He tantalizingly caresses along the line. He knows how I get goosebumps by his slight touch.

"I promise you, Scott. I'll make it up to you." He leaves the spot where his hands grazed. I instantly feel empty and hollow.

Matt races down the stairs. As soon as he revved his cruiser, I went inside and slammed the door shut. I was seething. Burning. Tetchy. Though Matt is my boyfriend, he's making our relationship harder. I took leave for nothing.

When I was at Seus Doces watching Kayla walk away, Matt texted he wanted to see me. He emphasized 'see' in bold letters. It didn't need much explanation. I know he was upset about something.

We aren't like other normal couples who sit and talk their feelings out. I and Matt talk about our feelings through action. We enact our feelings. Though, I share my day at work when we cuddle after s*x. He listens and remarks. But, I don't agree with most of his suggestions. Either it sounds ambitious or condescending. When I ask about his day, he doesn't express it in detail. He would only reply, "Fine." If I ask more, he chides, "You won't understand those things." What does a CEO with a successful, one million dollar turnover of a global stay rental booking service, Trabo, have to hide?

I feel hurt. Yet, I can't stop loving him. I know he loves me too. He doesn't have to say it back. He's sometimes so unhealthy for me that I want to get up now and leave his apartment. Maybe not answer his call for some days. But he knows me too well to return to him when he knows what both of us want. But, I want something else right now. I want to distract myself when I've taken leave for him.

He left me dazed. He left me hot and bothered. Like Kayla. In front of me.

I wonder what made her seem so lost? Her chestnut eyes shone rigid and cold. It reminds me of the feeling of holding a Mexican beach pebble.

She was conscious when I asked her if she was okay. I hope she didn't think I was being too much or something. Or did I appear like that? I don't think so. I felt I should approach her. I can't explain why. There was something about her that bit of crust couldn't tell.

When I heard a noise, I looked up from my Galão coffee. I saw her holding the fork like she was holding a knife, stabbing that tart like it's someone, who betrayed her. I saw other people from the corner look at her.

Some were staring in surprise. Some pitied her. Some raised their brows awkwardly. I looked at her because of her wrist. That delicate hand, the way she put pressure on her energy. She was in trance. In space. Tired but relentless. I wanted to wake her up. The urge was so strong that it was reflexive. But, I stopped myself before I could touch her shoulder. It wouldn't have been appropriate.

The way her eyes averted me, it couldn't hide her distress. I thought asking her out for coffee could make it easier for me to get to know her. Strange, that I wanted to understand the person behind the porcelain mug, who denied me. It wasn't easy to give up. I didn't want to.

Before I could insist, she got up offering me her seat. That made the line clear. Her pink perky nose said it all when she rubbed it anxiously. Guess, I made it awkward.

I could've told her I had my table at the back. Instead, I decided to sit in the same chair, evaporate her thoughts - warm and missing. I wanted to know what was swirling in her mind. I know it sounds pathetic. I should've ignored it. But, I found this stranger a bit interesting. Maybe that's why I couldn't stop replaying the scene.

And when she passed by me, a fruity smell from her burgundy hair hit me sharply. At that moment, I wanted to smell her close. Hold her and bury my nose in her shoulder. I don't know what made me think this way. It was as if I wanted her to know, I was there for her.

Then, when she returned and stood before me, I couldn't help but admire the way her smooth hair traced her olive skin. I caught myself before I could make things more awkward between us. When she thanked me for asking her, I saw in her glassy eyes the way she appeared locked in her cage. This is insane when I thought of wanting to open that door for her for some reason.

I hesitated, debating quickly whether that moment was fine to ask if she can catch up for coffee. Before I could, once again, she slipped away from me, swaying her curves in that yellow dress, teasing every inch of me to pull her close against my hips.

I wonder if I will see her again.

Huh! Highly unlikely. The person you see in a crowd in a da is the only time you see them.

Lord, Matt has got me. I'm thinking about someone I met this morning. Thinking, which I shouldn't be thinking. Friday isn't supposed to start this way for me.

I've to exhale. I blow the fume out of my chest and plop in bed. I wasn't in a hurry to ruin my mood.

Matt left me alone and I was up on getting back at him. And I think I know what I should do before leaving his apartment. I want to try something experimental.

I grab my phone under the pillow. I type and feed the search button. Here's the link. pleasuremechat.com. We met again. A cave that held me curious when my ex-girlfriend showed me in fun.

We laughed, yes. We couldn't imagine users having s*x virtually. The idea to her was lunacy. But the idea to me was thrilling. It's funny but what's the harm in playing around when willingly users are craving to give each other behind the screens.

I enter the details, tweaking them. I'm thrown into a page where texts move up and users unleash their inhibition brazenly. I scroll and read a request. She seems ready to dive in. I type and shoot a private text to her.

I know this isn't right. I can tell Matt about it later. Or let it sail. I don't know. I can't decide now. But, I know for sure - Matt might not like it.

That day resurface when I wanted to try sexting with him. I suggested trying s*x chat with him when he was on a business trip in Lexington. I think I was hoping too much. I was anticipating and planning already how we would play until he texted me, "I'm not comfortable with this."

I didn't know how I was supposed to take it. When I replied to him, "Okay" I wasn't okay. I was crushed. I couldn't just throw away my fantasy in a bin. I swallowed it and suppressed what I can't have.

There were moments when curiosity took me to this link. Just a click away, I would have indulged in the dark virtual abyss without him. Relish a tiny taste in secrecy.

Every time I thought, I could - I couldn't. I kept reminding myself, I want to respect his wishes. Not go out of line and regret something I can't turn back.

I follow what makes Matt happy. I smile when my partner smiles.

Sometimes, it's hard to understand Matt. What he wants, he gets. What I want, I've to think about it. But, not today.

My vigor is telling me to rebel. It's imposing me to dive in the perilous ocean. Swim in. Get lost.

For once in my life, I shift the sound of my pumping heart on this forum.

Before I decide to back out while browsing numerous kinky requests floating up and down, I see a red bubble wink at me. There's no backing out now. I'm ready to jump.

I hope this someone could make me forget Kayla.