It is the city she has always wished to live in but the first night after Caroline moves into her fantastic new San Francisco apartment, she realizes she’s gaining an intimate knowledge of her new neighbor’s harvey wallbanger nocturnal adventures.
Thanks to paper-thin walls and the guy’s athletic prowess, she can hear not just his bed banging against the wall but the ecstatic response of what seems like an endless parade of women. And since Caroline is currently on a self-imposed dating hiatus, and her neighbor is lethally attractive to women, she finds her fantasies keep her awake even longer than the noise.
So when the wallbanger threatens to bounce her out of bed, Caroline, clad in sexual frustration and a pink baby-doll nightie, confronts Simon Parker, her heard-but-never-seen neighbor. The tension between them is as thick as the walls are thin, and the results are just as mixed.
Part 1: Core Story of Wallbanger
It is the city she has always wished to live in but the first night after Caroline moves into her fantastic new San Francisco apartment, she realizes she’s gaining an intimate knowledge of her new neighbor’s harvey wallbanger nocturnal adventures.
She scrambled up out of sleep, confused as she looked around the strange room. Boxes on the floor. Pictures propped against the wall. She placed both hands on her duvet in her new bedroom, grounding her with the luxurious thread count.
She sat up self, rubbed her eyes, and turned to look at the wall behind her, beginning to understand what had woken her up. Her hands still stroked the duvet absently, catching the attention of Clive, her wonder cat.
She found myself gazing stupidly at the ceiling, trying to return to a relaxed state, but she was startled again as her headboard moved-banged into the wall more like it. Then she heard, very distinctly what sounded like someone receiving a good bang.
Aw, jeez she screamed. Blinking, she felt more awake now and a little fascinated by what was going on next door. She looked at Clive, he looked at her, and if she wasn’t so tired she’d have been pretty sure he winked. She guesses someone should be getting some harvey wallbanger drink.
She’d been in a bit of a dry spell for a while. A very long while. Bad, rapid-fire sex and an ill-timed one-night stand had robbed her of her orgasm. She’d been on vacation for six months now.
All seemed quiet now, and she began to drift back to sleep, Clive purring contentedly beside her. Then all hell broke loose. She heard the “Yes! Yes! Oh, God…Oh, God!” “Mmm…yes, baby, yes, yes, yes!” the loudmouth chanted and concluded with a contented sigh.
She can’t misinterpret the sound of a good spanking, and someone was receiving one next door.
So when the wallbanger threatens to bounce her out of bed, Caroline, clad in sexual frustration and a pink baby-doll nightie, confronts Simon Parker, her heard-but-never-seen neighbor. The tension between them is as thick as the walls are thin, and the results are just as mixed.
Part 2: Hot Chapter of the Wallbanger
Chapter 2 of the Wallbanger
The morning in her new place, found her sipping a cup of harvey wallbanger drink and munching a leftover harvey wallbanger recipe donut from yesterday’s moving-in party.
She silently cursed last night’s antics next door. The girl was plowed and spanked, she came, and she slept. The same for Simon. She assumed his name was Simon, as that was what the girl who liked to be spanked kept calling him. And really, if she was making up a name there were hotter ones than Simon to be screaming.
About twenty minutes later Clive had started a stare-off with a pigeon and she was sorting DVDs when she heard voices in the hallway. My noisy neighbors! She ran to the door, almost tripping over a box, and pressed an eye to the peephole only to see the doorway across the hall.
The angle was wrong for her to see this Simon, and he was back in his apartment before she could get any sort of sense of him. Interesting. So this girl does not live with him, she thought.
An hour later she was just placing Wizard of Oz after Willy Wonka when she heard a knock. There was scuffling in the hallway as she approached the door, and she stifled a grin.
Rolling her eyes, she opened the door to find her two best friends, Sophia and Mimi, holding a large box. They had brought her a gift. Later that night, after her friends left, she settled on the couch in the living room with Clive to watch reruns of The Barefoot Contessa on the Food Network and harvey wallbanger.
While dreaming of the creations, she heard footsteps on the landing outside her door and two voices. She narrowed her eyes at Clive. Springing from the couch, she pressed her eye against the peephole once more, trying to get a look at her neighbor.
She missed him again, only seeing his back as he entered his apartment behind a very tall woman with long, brown hair. Interesting. Two different women in as many days. Manwhore. She exclaimed.
Chapter 3 of the Wallbanger
Why is the room spinning? What the hell did you guys do to Jillian’s apartment? She’ll kill me if I mess up her rent control! She cried, moaning as she watched the room move.
The room isn’t spinning. Settle down. Mimi chuckled, sitting next to me and patting my shoulder.
And that thumping, what the hell is that thumping? She whispered into Mimi’s armpit, which she then sniffed and complimented her deodorant choice.
Caroline, there’s no thumping. Jesus, you must have had more than we thought! Sophia exclaimed, settling down at the end of the bed.
No, Sophia, I hear it too. You can’t hear that? Mimi said in a hushed voice. Sophia was quiet, and all three of them listened. There was a distinct thump, and then an unmistakable groan.
You are about to get Harvey Wallbanger, she stated. Sophia and Mimi’s eyes grew wide, but they stayed quiet.
What the hell is this? Mimi whispered, her eyes as wide as apple pies.
This is the sexual torture I’ve been listening to for the last two nights. You have no idea, she growled, feeling the effects of the tequila.
Chapter 4 of the Wallbanger
She’d broken down and told them about Simon’s late-night antics after realizing that unless she dished the dirt, they would not reciprocate. They clung to every word like fat kids at a buffet. I told them about the ladies he made the sweet love to, and they filled in a few more blanks.
Simon was a freelance photographer who traveled all over the world. They guessed he was currently on assignment, which explained his quality of sleep. Simon worked on projects for The Discovery Channel, The Cousteau Society, and National Geographic-all the bigwigs. He’d won awards for his work and even spent some time covering the war in Iraq a few years ago in wallbanger.
Between what Euan and Antonio told me, the car, the job, and the international house of orgasms from the other side of the wall, she was beginning to piece together a profile of this man, who she still had yet to see. And she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t more and more intrigued by the day.
After dropping off some tile samples at the Nicholsons late one afternoon, she decided to walk home. The fog had burned off, revealing the city, and it was a nice evening for a stroll. As she rounded the corner to her apartment, she noticed the Range Rover was absent from its usual place behind the building. Which meant it was out and about. She thought the wallbanger is home.
Simon was back in San Francisco. Although she braced herself for another round of wall banging, the next few days were uneventful but nothing happened.
One day she got to the peephole in time to see him going into his apartment, but all she caught was a black T-shirt and a mess of dark hair. Another time she saw the Range Rover pulling away from the curb as she came around the corner on her way home from work. Just as she was about to get the first peek at him, actually saw the man behind the myth, she tripped and went ass over an applecart on the sidewalk.
But all remained quiet at night. I knew Simon was home and could hear him occasionally: a chair leg moving across the floor, a quiet laugh or two. But no harm, and therefore no wallbanging. But this calm and quiet were too good to last, and all hell broke loose again a few nights later. Read to find out more.
