The Purpose

Life really has a way of sucking you in then chewing and grinding every inch of you, before spitting you out on the cold pavement. This was what was going on Lily's head as she reluctantly cleaned her mother's vomit all over the living-room floor. There were all sorts of greenish goo scattered around and the stench was almost too much to bear. She groaned inwardly as she saw some of the green goo splattered on the wall. "As if this house isn't already filthy enough!", she complained out loud in the quiet room. Cussing and thinking why does she have such a hellish life, she went about cleaning the entire room. Her mother is already in her bedroom and guessing from the loud snores coming in there, Lily knew she had picked up a John at the bar she frequented down the block. Again. It wasn't always like this, she was thinking, trying to fight down the tears brimming her caramel-brown eyes as she flushed the last of the mess she had cleaned up from the living-room. If it still can be called that because it surely doesn't look fit enough for the living, she thought. "If Dad hadn't died, it would never have come to this." She looked around the room and let out a loud sigh. The living room was scattered with beer bottles and cigarette butts. Gina, her mother, had a way of flicking the cigarette butts once she's half-way through smoking them. Most of the furniture had served as her ashtray and were pock-marked with burnholes. Funny thing was, the ash-trays scattered all around the room remained unused and clean as they were when Lily placed them there. The curtains are tattered rags, a far cry from how they elegantly graced the room some ten years ago. The faded maroon color somehow did not help; it only made the room look more like a nightmare. Aside from that, it stinks in here. The smell of cigarettes, puke and stale beer is already embedded in the room. It smelled like as if someone spilt milk gone bad all over the place and let it dry before pouring vinegar. This was her mom's favorite part of the house and as with her bedroom, she never lets the sunlight in here. It was always kept dark, a solitary lamp giving out a faint light. Gina would sometimes use candles for those occassions they did not have enough money to pay the electric bill. Lily never invited her classmates here because she was too embarassed to let them know that she lives in a house as filthy and stinky as this. She didn't have much real friends anyway. Not all people understand why her mother is like the way she is nor why a loss could ruin someone like this. They would never understand how difficult it is to continue on living when your soul was already dragged to the grave. Her father's death pushed her mother to this state. It was unexpected, as most deaths are, but the shock and pain rocked her mother to her very core. She was hospitalized and institutionalized for three years before her doctors allowed her to come out. During those years, Lily stayed with her Aunt Cat. Her Aunt was very reluctant to let Lily go back to living with her sister but Gina pleaded and begged until she relented. Once she was back with her mother, Lily really believed everything was gonna go back to normal. She was only seven at that time, well, she's seventeen now. This has become the normal for her life. Lily was humming along to one of her favorite songs as she flipped pancakes when her mom stumbled into the kitchen. Literally stumbled. She crashed onto a chair, sprawled on the floor and crawled until she reached Lily's legs. This was a usual occurence at this household and so, Lily didn't mind the clammy fingers that grasped her smooth left leg. "What is it, Mom?" she asked, quite annoyed that her alone time is already ruined. "Coffee," a raspy voice shot back. Her mom's voice was once sweet and brought on such comfort to her. Now, whenever she heard her mother's voice she only felt annoyance and so much pity that it makes it hard to breathe at least for a few seconds. "Coming, Mom. Would you please let go of my leg now?" She felt the cold hand go away and she turned around. She watched as her mother weakly grabbed one of the drawer handles to help herself stand up. She would have helped her mom but she knew it will only make Gina more frustrated. And anyway, she was balancing a stack of pancakes on her right hand and the coffee thermos on the left. She knows her priorities, her mother can stand on her own. While her mother busied herself standing, Lily put down the pancakes on the table and poured her mother a cup of coffee. She poured a cup for herself, too and watched her mother struggle. Finally, after a few more minutes, Gina wobbly got up and sat herself down on one of the chairs with a sigh. She sipped her coffee and mother and daughter enjoyed the silence for a while. It was already ten'o'clock in the morning. The neighborhood was already abuzz with the sound of birds and children laughing. Their town was a small town and the street they lived in was what known as the "w*********h" street. Kids of all ages, and in all sorts of undress, are scattered around playing, bawling their hearts out for food or just simply watching what is happening around them. Just like Lily, these children grew up as witnesses to violence and disillusionment. At an early age, most of them knew they would have to fight tooth and nail just to survive every day. Lily was lucky that she had a few years of respite when she stayed with Aunt Cat. Somehow, those days helps her get through everything. Those were the memories she cherishes inside her that makes her hope and fight on. "So, would your gentleman friend care enough to join us for breakfast?" Lily asked her mom with eyebrows raised. Gina slowly shook her head no as she sipped her coffee. Lily knew the answer even before the reply, but this was like a ritual to her. She could not imagine how she would feel if her mom said yes. Silence followed this conversation. They sat there silently sipping their coffee. The stack of pancakes left unnoticed on the table. Each wrapped up in their own thoughts. Remembering the good times, perhaps, or simply ignoring the others presence. Lily was the first to break this trance. She sighed and put her coffee cup in the sink. She stared at it. The cup was already chipped at the edge but she still used it because it was a gift from Aunt Cat. Aunt Cat lived far away now. She has her own life, own family, and her own problems to deal with. Aunt Catherine calls from time to time and Lily has to fight back the tears every time. She wants to tell her Aunt, beg her even, to take her back. But at the sound of her cheery voice, Lily knows it would break her own heart to have that ruined by her presence. She will not intrude the happy life her aunt built over the years. She would deal with everything on her own, no matter how hard it could be. She turned around just in time to see her mother's back as Gina left for her bedroom. The stack of pancakes and maple syrup gone from the table. Lily shrugged and made her way to her own room. Eager to shut out all of the noise and giggles now coming from her mother's bedroom. She was almost finished with her homework when she heard the front door slam. That usually was the sign that her mother's gentleman friend, whoever he is at that time, was finally sober enough to realize that he wasn't up to commiting to a widow with a 17 year old daughter in tow. It's just fun and games for them, Mom, why can't you just accept that? Why can't you just accept that Dad's gone and you won't ever be able to find someone as good as him?