The Mess that is Tess

One day she woke up and realized it. That’s it. There’s nothing extra, nothing else happening, no one else. That is her life and she should better accept it now. She didn’t know if she felt disappointed or relieved. See, she was never a people person. She was never careered driven. She didn’t dream the job, the house, the husband, the kids. She didn’t even want a cat, for God Sake, but the fluffy tail tickling her toes reminder her that in this life she is not asked what she wants, she just wakes up with it. She will be the ultimate cat lady that didn’t even want cats. Sure, she loved Molly The Cat, and she enjoyed her company, but she didn’t want one. She just wanted to call her The Cat, simple as that, but her friend, Mia, who gifted her the fluffy pet, did not approve. She said The Cat is not a name, it’s a statement and the pet needed more than that. So Molly The Cat was decided. She realised she didn’t really want anything. And there she was, on the morning she turned 30 waking up in her own bed, in her own house, ready to go on her corporate job. She had a career, a house, a cat. And she even got a boyfriend…of some sort. Funny enough, again, she just didn’t want any of that. Sure, she liked her house and the comfort of having it, she enjoyed her job, never the less, she liked Molly The Cat to a certain amount – She still didn’t want a damn cat! – and she….hmm…she liked Tony, her boyfriend. She certainly didn’t love him. Someone told her that the ability to love someone comes from loving herself. She thought she loved herself. She accepted herself with all the weirdness that came with it, and she did love herself, didn’t she? She got out of her bed and went in the bathroom. She got a good look in the mirror. Yeah, she loved herself. Nice hair, a bit messy sometimes, but thick and strong. Nice dark eyes, some say they are dark blue, some say they are dark grey, she sometimes sees them black, but interesting eye colour at its best. Nice body, good enough boobs, at their allocated place, for sure, nice legs, long as she was tall, slim enough, some rolls around her belly, but that’s because of the chocolate. Oh yeah, she definitely loved chocolate. Did she ever love someone the way she loves chocolate? She wondered. Did she love herself the way she loves chocolate? Well, she loves herself enough to accept her chocolate rolls around her belly, so that should say something, shouldn’t it? Anyhow, she did love herself, she concluded that. But she definitely didn’t love Tony. Maybe it would be better to end the relationship. Why keep this going as she knows for sure she won’t end up loving him, despite her mom encouraging her that love will come. First thing on her birthday to-do-list: -         Break up with boyfriend She then added a few extra things if she is on the list already: -         Buy Molly The Cat’s food -         Buy Molly The Cat’s toy, the old one lost it’s life into a ferocious fight -         Buy Molly The Cat another bed, as that one doesn’t seem to be good enough. Man, she didn’t want a cat! Look at the list! It’s Molly The Cat everywhere! She added a few jobs for today and ended the list with Birthday Party at The Club. The more she thought of breaking up with Tony, the more she realized she needs to do it as soon as possible. She could not stand the thought of partying with him tonight. She just couldn’t go on with it. With Tony, it could go either way. He could be clingy and crying and telling her how much he will miss her, or he could be stone cold ending with a “cool”. She wondered why Tony stayed with her, did he love her? Not sure, luckily, he did not say the words, even if they were going for a couple of months now, 4 or 5 maybe? Or more? She wasn’t sure. And not out of shallowness, she just didn’t think dates or anniversary were important, but memories along the way. She decided to call Tony now and ask him if he could go for a coffee before work. Sure, he was a freelancer so his work was whenever he wanted or whenever was needed. She picked up the phone and called him. No answer so she left a voice mail: -         Hi Tony, just wandering if you are free for a coffee this morning. I think it would be good to have the chance to talk before work. She just ended the voicemail when her phone rang. Tony was ringing her back. Ok, here it goes: -         Hi sweetheart, Tony’s voice was heard through the phone. She hated sweet talk. Sweets are to be eaten not talked. But then, she did enjoy calling her cat kitty or calling people she knew for years sweet nicknames. Maybe she just didn’t like the way Tony was saying it, like she was a child and he was the manliest man there is. -         Hi Tony, I left you a voicemail. Wondering if you have time for a coffee this morning. I would really like to talk to you. -         Oh no, talk about what? Are you breaking up me, aren’t you? Why? What did I do wrong? How can you do this over a coffee in the morning?, he was hyperventilating. -         Tony, calm down, I really prefer to do this face to face. -         So you are breaking up with me! I knew it! You are a mean, mean lady, that’s what you are! And no, I am not going out to have coffee with you to give you the pleasure to break up with me face to face and see me cry! I am breaking up with you now, over the phone! Just to be clear, I am breaking up with you! -         Ok Tony, whichever way you prefer, and I am really sorry everything is happening this way. I just realized today when I woke up and turned 30 that.. -         What? Today is your birthday and you are breaking up with me on your birthday? How mean are you to do something like that? -         Tony, as I can see, you didn’t even know it’s my birthday, which I have no problem with, but why am I mean if you had no idea? And it’s my birthday, not yours. Mean would be to break up with you on your birthday, she was starting to get annoyed. He sounded hormonal. And I thought you were breaking up with me, she added. -         Oh no, I am not, I don’t wanna be the guy who breaks up with a girl on her birthday! If you want to end this, it has to come from YOU!, he said. -         Ok, then, it comes from me. I think we need to break up. I am sorry for doing this over the phone and on my birthday -         Damn sure you should feel sorry. You don’t know what you are missing on, sweetheart!, an angry Tony blurted out over the phone. -         Yeah. I know this hurts now, but you will find someone better, someone for you, who shares your likes and dislikes and… -         Well, I dislike you! Do you have any enemies, girl enemy, that you can share their phone number with me? That will be a start to make up for this break-up! -         No, not that I am aware of, but I will make sure to let you know as soon as I find out of any girl enemies. -         OK, it’s at least you could do. -         It’s at least I could do, said Tess in a calm voice. It was an awkward silence, then Tony said. -         Well I suppose no more TnT, no more Testony, no more Toness… -         Who called us like that, ever? -         Well, you know, people. -         What people? -         People you don’t know. You don’t know everyone, you know? -         Yeah, ok. Bye Tony! -         Wait! -         What now? -         I just realised I need to say goodbye to Molly! -         It’s Molly The Cat, and there’s no need for that. You saw her once! -         Yeah, you are weird, why didn’t you let me to see her more often?! -         What? You didn’t want to come to my place more often because it felt, and I quote, like a “Bachelorette cave” -         Well, yes, I did not feel welcomed there. It felt too much of your place! -         It is my place!!!, yelled Tess frustrated, she can keep her calm for so much! -         No need to yell, now! You are really hormonal. Are you on your red days? -         Ok, Tony, sorry for this again, but I need to go. Bye! All the best! -         But I need to….was all Tess could hear before handing up. That was enough of Tony for today, or ever. God, they were a bad match. But she did wish him the best. Definitely she wasn’t suitable for him, or him for her.   After that phone call, Tess went in the kitchen to drink her coffee. She needed to call Mia to tell her all about it. Mia will be delighted to find out what she just did on the 30th birthday, first thing in the morning. She always said Tony is a weaning b***h, well she wasn’t far from the truth. Tess concluded that he wasn’t the right person for her, and that’s a fact. She then realized she needed to call her mother to congratulate her. You see, mommy Claire was very explicit, probably since Tess turned one, but could not remember, that each of her kids’ birthday, and she had three, it’s her own celebration as well. Mommy Claire needed to remind Tess that: “This is my day as well! You wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for me powering through 12 hours of labour like a champ! So congratulations are in order every year! Don’t you ever forget!” And Tess didn’t. Aidan, her younger brother, refused to congratulate their mom in any way, mostly to tease her, but mommy Claire was a fine woman, every year on his birthday she made sure she is sending him a message, preferably with a picture attached, in which she was either having a glass of champagne all cheerful with a “Happy day to mommy Claire” text, or she would send him a text message reminding him he is celebrating this birthday because she made it happen. Which was true in one way, she could give her that. So Tess called her mom, to congratulate her for her efforts 30 years ago and thank her that she put her body through this so Tess can take part of this world. Mommy Claire was so happy with the call that she didn’t ask about Tony. Which was a relief, as the last thing Tess wanted to do today was explain to her mother why she broke up with him. They’ve only met once, but another thing Mommy Claire loved was making sure her kids knew she wanted grandchildren. So any boyfriend was a chance for her to get closer to her dream. Tess didn’t want to ruin her day, well, their day, so she said nothing.