Behind Her Medical Title

"CONGRATULATIONS!" After a successful delivery of the baby, I should be happy, of course! I should be happy not because I'm the mother, but because this is the first operation I performed as an Obstetrician-gynecologist. Everyone in the delivery room is cheering. The mother is crying but happiness is visible on her eyes as she hugs her new born daughter. That should be me! If I'm brave enough a decade ago, maybe I'm also already a mother by now. My tears are slowly falling too—no, this ain't tears of joy but pain, jealousy, and hatred. It is really hard to think that I am able to perform my first operation despite of what I feel. "Congratulations, Mrs. Salve!" One of the nurses congratulates the mother for a successful delivery. "And of course, congratulations to you too, Ms. Sy! If I'm not mistaken this is also your first, first operation." With that, the nurses face me as they put on their smiles around. "Doc, that was a great job! You had your first operation and it is successful." I remove my mask, wipe my tears, and fake a smile. "Yeah! In fact I feel like crying too, I'm so glad the operation came out successfully!" Again, I plaster a fake smile. Outside the delivery room, the father is waiting. I watch him as he gets up from the chair he was sitting. "How was it, Niane?" he asks nervously. "The delivery is successful, Ranier." I'm so glad that I have my face mask on. It help me cover the bitterness on my smile. "Oh, thank God!" he says between heavy breathes. Memories flashing back to me vividly. I wonder, will you be that happy too if I told you ten years before the secret I kept? But, I chose to stay silent for you to continue your studies. I shouldn't be blaming you, it was all my fault. And now I am suffering. Seeing you happy with her is tormenting every pieces of me. "You two deserve every bit of happiness this baby is going to bring you. Congratulations!" I say and tap his shoulder before walking pass through him so I can hide the tears that are about to fall. Ten years before, I remember my parents were very angry. And I know your parents would be angry too. I couldn't endure seeing you lost grip on your better future. So, for the sake of you reaching your goal, without you knowing, I aborted our baby. And maybe the pain I am feeling right now is the payment for the child I killed so you can live your dream.