Her, His, & Roses

It was my 17th birthday when I lost my virginity to someone I use to live with since he was born 202 days after me. Making love once with the influence of alcohol was already enough for us not to do the same mistake again but, we’re in love. A love that is forbidden and must not bear a fruit at all cost but we’re too dumb to think of the consequences of our actions. I supposed to have my menstruation on the 2nd week of the month but I was delayed so I decided to have a checkup in a clinic. I’m pregnant, with his child for over 3 weeks. I didn’t know what to do at first so I just kept it a secret from everyone even to the father of my child. But this kind of secret won’t be hidden for too long because it’ll be obvious sooner, and time will reveal the ugly truth. 10 days before Christmas, I told the child’s father about my condition and I prepared myself for the worst but he didn’t tell me to abort our child, instead he asked me to elope. Runaway from our family to start our own, and leave everything behind even our own names. I agreed with his crazy idea since he’s always the smarter one between us but our parents can’t be easily fooled. 9 days after New Year, they found out about the fact that I’m almost 11 weeks pregnant. Our parents were out for the hunt for the father of my child since my lips were sealed not to say the name of my brother. But they didn’t even take a month to find the man and he was nearly beaten to death by our father. They’re already angry about me getting pregnant while I’m still on the 11th grade when they first found out. Now that they knew the child’s father identity, they almost killed their own son and wanted me to get an abortion as soon as possible. I’ve been carrying my child for over 3 months and I’m already on my 2nd trimester of pregnancy, I won’t let anyone harm my own baby. I bought some time to delay their plan by reasoning out the exams next week and they let me end the 2nd semester quietly. The day after Friday the 13th, it’s Valentine’s Day but I’m lying down on the operating table of a clinic waiting for the death of the life inside me, I begged to my mother to spare the child but it’s no use. Until my paternal grandfather halted the surgery. He whose words are like laws in our family and everyone follows his orders even if it’s against our will. Lolo Uranus saved my child and me from the wrath of my parents. He exiled me to Goyang, to keep my pregnancy hidden from the public and give birth to my child even if it’s an abomination to our family. He supported me since he took responsibility of taking care of me. In exchange, I had to continue my 12th grade even if I’m studying at home for the last year of my high school. I’ve got my 8 ladies who’s attending to all my needs so I never felt alone but to think that I’m giving birth to my child without a father made me think if I’m enough to be both the mother and father. 6 days before my 18th birthday, I gave birth to my daughter. It’s summer but it’s raining hard that morning even if the sun’s up in the sky, like it’s crying along with my newborn baby. I named her Hebe, He- from the first syllable of my name and -be that sounds like the word baby, that makes her Hera’s baby. I though I’ll be fine since I’m under Lolo Uranus’ protection but my parents didn’t give up on me and took control with my life again. It was my 18th birthday but instead of gifts, my parents wanted me to struggle and make me feel that I’m not good enough to be a parent. They pulled out my ladies who were accompanying me and had my bank account frozen, they somehow managed to make a deal with Lolo. I could still live in the house as long as I’m studying but I have to be on my own from then on, my parents granted me independence. For a month, I tried to make do of all the available resources I had, in order to survive with a dependent child on my side but it’s not easy. I used to live like a princess but now I’m doing everything on my own without anyone to rely on and what’s worse I have to provide too. When the 2nd semester started, I also had to study for me and my child to keep living in the house rather than be homeless. If not for my teacher who’s aiding me in childcare and helping me secretly with my daily meals, I don’t think I could survive another month without money in my pockets. But I couldn’t depend on her for too long since she also has her own family to think of, so I asked her to find me a job that I could take. I never thought that I could use my voice to earn money but because I got hired as a singer in a night club, I need to do my best to get paid. Fortunately, the manager is too kind that he let me bring Hebe to the night club whenever I performed. However, I earned was just enough for me and my baby to live for a day or two even if I almost don’t have time to sleep. The reason I’m more determined to graduate high school and get a scholarship from a college or university to have a better job. I’m studying in one of the oldest international schools in the world, and the oldest British international school in Korea. So, attending a university or college in other country if not here is also an option as long as I graduated with honors. On the 100th day that Hebe was born, my older sister, Demeter, showed up and celebrate the day with me and Hebe. She told me that our great-grandparents, Lolo Uranus’ parents, died four days ago and everyone went to China last weekend for the funeral. And she stayed for the night to have Hebe’s checkup for tomorrow. Which I already forgot since I don’t have money for postnatal care because my parents made me penniless after a week, I gave birth. Hebe was born at home so she never had a proper checkup and if not for Demeter I would never know that my baby got a heart disease. I know that I can’t just stay still and continue living on with the life I have now, I need money not only to survive a day or two but for the sake of my child’s health. I asked for Demeter’s help and she told me that she’ll see what she can do to persuade our parents to give me assistance. It was Christmas Eve when I heard my parents’ decision from the man whom I least expected to come and see me. “There’s a young man looking for you, Yuri.” Manager told me after my performance on stage. “He said, he’s the father of your child.” “Huh??!” I’m stunned on what he said but I heard him loud and clear. “He’s at the room and probably taking care of your child.” He said as he studied my reaction. “He looks reliable so I let him in.” I rushed immediately to the room where I usually leave Hebe whenever I come to work and saw the man that I never expect to come. “You, what are you doing here??!” looking at the man who’s holding my child on his arms. “You shouldn’t be here.” “It’s Christmas, they let me stay with you until the day after tomorrow.” Zeus glance at me with a weak smile on his face. “I don’t believe you.” shaking my head. “Papa almost killed you when they found out the truth and they let you come here just because it’s Christmas??!” frowning at him. “You don’t believe me now, huh?” glancing back at Hebe on his arms. “I can’t blame you, it’s my fault that you’re suffering right now with our child. You’ve been very brave Hera, and I can’t do anything for us.” “There’s no more us, Zeus.” holding back my tears. “There should never be us from the beginning, what we had is all wrong and now I’m paying for committing that sin for loving you … but our child is innocent.” “I know.” he uttered with sadness filled in his eyes as he put Hebe down on the bed. “Our child doesn’t have to pay for what we’ve done but she’s sick. I’m the one who should be punished … not her.” “Then tell me, why are you here??!” “I’ll tell you before I leave but for now let’s be one as a family even just for a day, and have ourselves a merry little Christmas.” he said. I’m pretty sure that he didn’t bring me any good news but him spending Christmas with me and our child somehow made me feel happy. I know I should get over him after everything that happened to us, and I’m still suffering from the consequences of our past actions. But him being by my side and taking care of our child even just for a day, it felt like a dream come true to me. He bought me supplies that could suffice me and our child for months with his own money that he saved since he knew I was pregnant. We were like a family this Christmas Day, but all good things come to end and we had to get back to the reality. We could never be happy or even a family, no matter what we do, because we never should be together in the first place. The next day, he told me his purpose, our parents sent him to be a messenger and what he said just broke my heart into pieces. “You want me to abandon our child just to get my old life back and deny her existence for me not to suffer anymore?!!” looking at him in disbelief. “Do you know what you’re telling me to do??!” “Hera, I want to runaway with you and our child right now.” holding on to my shoulders. “But in our current situation, we can’t do anything.” “I’m not asking you to be with me, I can be a single parent for our child!” screaming at him. “I can’t abandon my baby! I’ve protected her for 9 months inside my belly and I can raise her on my own!” “How do you intend to do that?!!” he raised his voice on me. “Let’s get real here, you’re only 18 and our child has a heart disease, you two need help and we both know that whatever you do, it’ll never be enough.” “There are people here who are kind, they’re helping me and Hebe to survive, we’ll be fine on our own without us getting separated.” “Yeah right, they may be helping you for now but how long do you think it’ll lasts?!” he said firmly. “In the end, you’re just a stranger to them, they’re not going to help you for long.” “I know I’m not relying on them that much, but there’s nothing else I can do since my own family throw me out in this province to be independent with this baby fully dependent on me.” “Hera.” looking at me in the eyes. “You can go back and returned here when your capable of giving our child a better life, that’s what I intend to do in the future. For now, let’s surrender to our parents.” “Surrender.” scoffs at him. “Easy for you to say because you never fought from the start anyway. You never suffered the way I do!” “Fine, despise me all you want.” nodding his head. “But Hera what I’m telling you right now is a temporary solution. If you come back, our parents will take care of our child even though she’s in the orphanage. That’s what they promised, as long as you detached yourself from her. It’s for her sake too, Hera, it’s the best for all of us.” “I can’t believe that you’re telling me this.” wiping my tears on my cheeks. “I want you to get out.” pointing the door to him. “Begone! I don’t want to see your face anymore or hear your voice!! I want you out from my life, from our lives, you’ll never be a father to my child!” pushed him out and locked the door as I shut it on his face. I’ve cried for days and nights after we had that conversation but I had to go on with my life since I’ve got no time to be depressed. On the 200th day after Hebe’s birthday, Demeter and Poseidon, my 2nd younger brother, went to celebrate the day with me and my baby. They told me that our parents will come to see me the day after tomorrow to hear my decision about their proposition of leaving Hebe in the orphanage in exchange of providing all her medications for her heart disease as I can’t afford her healthcare for now. I know they mean well and what Zeus told me last time was right, there’s nothing much I can do with my current condition. I have to concede defeat for now and do what I’ve been told to do. I agreed with my parents and left Hebe in the orphanage the next day after our discussion. They changed her name to Yuri, which was my stage name at the night club as a singer, and gave her the last name Kwon. She’s only 203 days old but I had to abandon her as it was the right thing to do for now. I spent another day in the house for me to cry while being alone, and reminisce the time I had being a mother to my child for one last time. The next day, I went back to the capital to prepare for my graduation in high school. I’ve been homeschooled for the whole year and I only showed up for the last 5 days in high school to my classmates so they’ve got a lot of questions about me. I know that they don’t care that much and they only asked to satisfy their curiosity because there’s a lot of gossips about my absence so I’ve got no choice but to tell them a lie that I was sick. It was Hestia’s graduation from middle school the day after tomorrow, she’s my younger sister and the youngest among us 6 siblings, but she’s the one who hated me the most for what I’ve done with Zeus. She’s too young to understand what I’ve been through the reason I couldn’t tell her how I deeply regret what happened in the past. I committed a gravest sin and I’m going to repent it for the rest of my life, I don’t have the right to be happy as I deserve to be lonely. I went to the nation's oldest university and it considered to be one of the most prestigious in the country, where Demeter is also attending. Though I wanted to a doctor for my baby, I know my capability so I enrolled at the college of nursing. “Who is she???” people chattering around me. “I don’t know, all I know is she’s beautiful.” man A said. “She’s wearing glasses still her eyes are captivatingly beautiful!” man B said as they continue ogling at me. “Look at her very cute nose, it suits her entire face and petite features, from body to face.” man C added. “Her lips, the kind of lips you see on actresses in movies and miss America beauty pageant contestants.” man D commented. “Geez, you and you’re obsession with American girls!” others to man D. “Uhm, excuse me, I think I’m lost.” a good-looking foreign man approached me. “I’m lost because of your beautiful face, miss.” “Hmm, nice try.” smiling a bit for him as I continue to walk towards the building. “Are you going to walk backwards just to stare at me?” “What can I do you just smiled at me.” continue walking backwards as he stares at me. “You’re smile has something special to it.” “Well, thank you.” looking out for him since he’s not paying attention on where he’s heading. “Watch out!” He bumped onto a girl who’s chatting with her friend. “Oh, I’m sorry, are you alright, miss?” helping the girl to stand up. “Are you hurt?”  ... To be continued ...