My Best Friend, My Beast

[Nadia’s POV] I woke up with a gasp. Sitting up I realized that my T-shirt was soaked with sweat. My heart was thumping loudly, and suddenly I was aware of how silent my small apartment was. I wiped off the sweat across my face and got out of bed on shaky legs. I trudged to the kitchenette and took out a cold water bottle. I chugged half of its contents. By the time I returned to my single bed, my heartbeat had calmed down. However, I couldn’t get the images out of my mind. I turned It was the same dream— my parents and I running, screaming, my mother crying, and then… my father begging for mercy and… teeth, sharp… jagged teeth dripping with blood. I closed my eyes as if that would stop my brain from pulling up the event. A tear rolled down my cheek. I wiped it away. Even after so many years, things hadn’t changed. I took a deep breath and lay down. I knew sleep would evade me today, and… I didn’t even have the heart to create something. My mind wandered to the number of illustrations that were still saved and without a buyer. I didn’t want to look at the easel because that would lead me to look at the canvas that had been blank for days now. I couldn’t create a single new piece of art recently. My chest tightened at the thought of paying the bills for this month. ‘Should I ask Aunt Ophelia?’ I mused. ‘No, how much more can I leech off from that woman?’ I chided myself. That woman was a kind soul, who was like my second mother. Pity that she lived in a town that didn’t have much in store for artists like me due to which I had to move to the city. Until now she sends me a substantial amount of money every month. I used to refuse the money at first, but her unwavering insistence made me cave in. I saved that money in a separate account, or a backup account and considered it as last minute resort. I haven’t had the misfortune of using it. ‘Maybe now I would have to,’ I wondered, my heart sinking. My gaze remained fixed on the glow-in-the-dark stars that I had stuck to the ceiling after living here for a month. ‘At least I don’t have to pay rent for this apartment,’ I thought. This studio apartment belonged to my best friend, Derek, who had kind of forced me to live here after I had been unable to pay rent for the earlier shitty apartment I had lived in since I turned 18. Aunt Ophelia had helped me back then. She had claimed that Mrs. Jenkins, the landlady was her friend. Well, that woman was more like a false friend of my aunt than anything else. I was 24 then and had just lost my job, a part-time thing that helped me with my bills. At that time I was pursuing art as a hobby. I wish I had continued doing that. Mrs. Jenkins was not ready to even consider my proposal of paying her the following month. I didn’t let Aunt know anything about this or she would rush to help me somehow. Unfortunately, I had to ask Derek for help, who had been furious and that’s how I landed in this one, with him paying for me. I later heard that Mrs. Jenkins was booked for some kind of crime she had committed and the building she owned was demolished. The other people living there had gotten a good amount of money to move elsewhere. My train of thought was cut short when my phone began vibrating. Squinting at the sudden bright light, I wasn’t surprised by the name flashing on the screen. Derek. I huffed out a chuckle. How did he always manage to call me when I needed him the most? My heart skipped a beat at the thought before I reminded myself that it was best to not even venture into that abyss. I was content with being his bestie. I swiped on the screen to answer. “Hey, pulling another all-nighter?” I asked in lieu of a greeting. We had moved past that. He let out a low chuckle, the one that could make any woman’s knees go weak (including mine). “How did you know?” This was an old game of ours wherein we pretended to not know how the other knew what either of us was doing. “Well, it’s past 1 a.m. and you are still awake so…” I trailed off. He was a workaholic but also led a disciplined life. Even if I couldn’t see his face, I knew he was smiling, that smile where his eyes became half-moons, and his gaze soft. My heart ached at the image, with longing. “I have an overseas call at 2 in the morning so I was just going through the presentation.” “I will never understand CEO stuff,” I replied with a groan. “And what about you? Another… inspo at night session?” He quizzed. I remained silent for a heartbeat before humming in assent. The thing was that I have never really told Derek what happened to my parents, even though we have been BFFs for the past 10 years. He knew I got weird 3 AM inspirations for art, and I just never corrected him. I never told him that at times, well more often than not, I stayed up late because I got nightmares. He wouldn’t believe me even if I told him. Nobody did. Not even my Aunt. My thoughts became murky again as I mused that now at 30 and 29 respectively, Derek was a successful man, expanding his family business while I was still at the crossroads of life where I didn’t know if I should continue being an artist or doing a 9-5 job. “Want to hang out tomorrow? Or should I drop by?” He asked, cutting through these unwanted thoughts. “Nah, let’s meet at the cafe near your office,” I replied, turning to my side and staring at the bottled-up paint and the dry brushes. This… had also become a new development where I had sort of banned Derek from coming to my apartment because if he knew that I had not been painting for some time now, he would unnecessarily worry, and when he became concerned about me, he would endlessly nag me until I told him the reason. He had been upset at first, but then he simply stopped asking. I was dismayed, to be honest. A part of me wanted him to force and break down the walls that I was slowly creating around myself to protect myself from being heartbroken by the only true friend I had. I didn’t know why I would even think in such a way, but I did… more often than not. “…hello?” “Huh?” Ah.. I must have zoned out again. “Did you fall asleep?” He asked playfully, but I could hear the concern in his tone. “Yep,” I lied again and felt equally bad about it. “Dozing. I guess I will turn it in.” “‘Kay. Rest well,” he said tenderly. My breath hitched in my throat. These kinds of tone coming from him always did, telling me as if he— “Yes, you too, I mean don’t allow the other people to drag the meeting for too long. You need your beauty sleep too,” I said, forcing a teasing lilt in my tone so that I could push back the thoughts that were too dangerous to venture into. “Will do, and… I have something to tell you tomorrow,” he said after a pause. My heartbeat sped up. Ah, the time had come, hadn’t it? This was the reason I had slowly started distancing myself from Derek. I was drawing up the worst conclusions. And by worst, I meant that maybe the conversation would be about how he had found someone… fallen in love and would no longer want me around as much as he did. “Is it… serious?” I asked, swallowing my fear. My palms were sweating. “Kind of?” He sounded unsure which made me even more nervous. “Can’t you tell me now?” I hoped I didn’t sound desperate. By the chuckle that I heard, I guess I did sound like that. “No… have patience mon amie,” he said lightly, completely oblivious of my predicament. I wanted to yell at him and say what his words had done to my mental peace, but I didn’t. I hummed non-committally. “Well, see you tomorrow then.” And just because I felt petty, I hung up before he could say another word. ~*~