Skating With Hearts

If I’d known I was walking straight into the kind of chaos that leaves your heart pounding and your mascara running, I would’ve stayed in my dorm, curled up with mint chocolate ice cream and practiced my graphic designs in peace. Instead, I was here at a raging college party and practically glued to Caleb like a second skin. “You sure you wanna come?” he’d asked earlier with a tone that was already slipping into the signature smugness that annoyed me more than I wanted to admit. “Of course,” I’d said. “I never turn down free pizza, cheap beer and regrettable decisions.” That earned a laugh and a long kiss that made me forget—for just a moment—that I’d been feeling like a fading background character in my own relationship with him. Caleb smelled like leather and aftershave, wore his Bruins jacket over a tight black tee, and walked with that confident strut that screamed, I own this room. Eight months together and I still got butterflies when he looked at me the right way. Even though those butterflies were now starving. Dying, really because of lack of attention. We entered the house and the air was thick with beer, sweat and pheromones. Bodies moved like smoke in the haze of neon lights and bass that was so loud my ribs literally vibrated in my chest. “Let’s find drinks,” Caleb said as he tugged me forward. I followed as I tried not to think about how much of this night I was already pretending to enjoy. Inside, it was like every frat party ever birthed. Loud, chaotic with alcohol flowing like tap water. Couples made out in corners. Girls in crop tops danced on tables. Guys howled as someone did a keg stand. Still, I didn’t let go of Caleb’s hand. Because if I did, I might lose him. After all, he was already slipping away from me lately, piece by piece. There were the texts that went unanswered. The dates that got “rescheduled.” The jokes that felt a little too sharp and a little too real. It was really crazy. And me? I was spiraling but smiling through it. And acting like it didn’t matter that the boy I fell for felt like a stranger these days. “Sky,” he said as he turned to me suddenly with his arm wrapped around my waist in a manner that caused my heart to start beating faster. “You look hot tonight.” I smiled as my heart hiccuped in response. “You sound surprised.” “Nah,” he said as he leaned down to kiss me. “Just stating facts.” I kissed him back harder than I meant to. The kiss was a bit desperate and a little messy. But he obviously liked it because he laughed against my lips and pulled me close until I could feel the beat of the music in his chest and I could feel my body stirring up. When we ended the kiss, we held hands as we waded through the crowd, past beer pong tables and clouded living rooms. I clung to him while I laughed at all the right times and made sure everyone knew he was mine. I don’t know why I cared so much about making sure that everyone including him knew he was mine. Maybe it was because I still remembered what it felt like to be invisible. How it felt to be the chubby kid in braces, the shy girl with paint on her fingers and the girl whose father walked out on his family years ago. Caleb made me feel wanted. Seen. Even if I had to fight for it lately. And because of that, I held to him tightly like an epiphyte around a tree. “Shots! Caleb, get your a*s over here!” one of his teammates suddenly yelled from the kitchen. He grinned at me as his blue eyes gleamed with trouble. “One round, babe?” “Fine,” I said with a shrug. “But I’m not dragging your drunk a*s home. So you had better be careful.” He laughed, kissed my cheek and disappeared into the chaos. I leaned against the wall with my arms folded while I tried not to look like I was waiting. But ten minutes turned into twenty and I was so done with waiting especially as I was sick of the damn party already. I found him back in the living room with shots lined up in front of him and his laughter loud and drunk and boyish. He was already two drinks past decent and flirting with the edge of reckless. Oh God, please, I thought as my eyes rolled to the back of my head in mild disgust. I was about to go pull him away when it happened. At first, it was a crash and a ‘sorry’. Then a splash. Silence resulted afterwards for a split second. With my heart beating faster in dread, I turned just in time to see Caleb chest-to-chest with him. Ryans Maddox. My heart did that stupid stutter thing it always did when he was around. Captain of the Boston Thunders. My brother’s best friend. Six-foot-two with a jaw that could cut glass, tousled brown hair falling into those intense eyes. And the one man I should never, ever be looking at like that. He was calm. Always was. Even now, with sticky beer soaking his hoodie courtesy of my dumbass boyfriend, he was so calm. Caleb shoved him hard just then and growled, “You trying to start something, Maddox?” Ryans barely blinked as he said, “Start something? You spilled it. Chill out. Besides, I said sorry when I bumped into you!” “Oh, so now you’re telling me what to do?” I was moving to Caleb before I realized it. “Caleb, stop. It was an accident.” He shot me a glare. “Of course you’d take his side.” I blinked at him. “What the hell does that mean?” Before I got an answer, Caleb lunged at Ryan. Ryans dodged with infuriating ease, pushing Caleb back with one hand on his chest. But Caleb wasn’t done. He swung. Missed. Swung again. Fists flew, furniture crashed and suddenly the entire living room turned into a makeshift rink as the team members came to defend their captains and fight each other. Thunders vs. Spartans. Hockey boys and damn booze-fueled pride. Screams erupted from the girls watching the fight. Cups flew. I watched someone get tackled into the sofa. “Are you serious right now?” I yelled at Caleb and Ryans as I tried to get through the mess. I couldn't believe this was happening already. All because Caleb got drunk. I tried to push Caleb away again. That’s when Ethan showed up. He was my big brother, who right now, was six feet of fury and muscle with a scowl permanently etched into his face. He shoved through the crowd like a damn bulldozer. “Caleb!” he roared as he grabbed him by the collar. “Back the f**k off.” “Ryan came at me, man—” Ethan got in his face. “You touch him again and I’ll rearrange your teeth.” Then he turned on me. “You need to keep your boyfriend in check, Sky.” “I’m not his babysitter,” I snapped at my brother as I felt frustration rose in me like a tsunami. “Then maybe stop dating idiots,” he shot back. “Ethan—” But he was already stalking off, probably to drag Ryans out before the cops arrived. I stood there shaking as theroom buzzed with leftover adrenaline and spilled beer. Now that the fight was over, people were beginning to leave the room and the party. Caleb was panting beside me, lips swollen, his hair a mess. Furious at how I had been dragged into being part of the highlight of this party, I turned to him and with trembling lips, asked, “What the actual hell is wrong with you?” “He bumped into me.” “He said sorry!” Caleb scoffed. “You think that makes it okay?” “It does not? Goodness, Caleb, you embarrassed yourself and me!” His jaw clenched hard in response. “Why do you always talk down to me?” “Because you act like a goddamn child!” “Maybe if you weren’t so clingy all the time—” I flinched hard at that. Oh God, how I hated that word even if it was true! He noticed my response but didn’t stop. “Always hovering, always watching me like I’m gonna run off. Maybe I should.” I went cold as I looked him in the eyes. “You don’t mean that,” I whispered when I could find my voice. He shook his head as a bitter laugh escaped. “You want someone perfect? Go flirt with Maddox. Bet he’d love to play hero for his best friend’s needy little sister.” I sucked in a breath like he’d punched me in the chest. “Don’t. You. Dare.” His eyes widened, just a little. It was like maybe he realized he went too far. But it was too late. I turned on my heel and walked away, rage and humiliation burning under my skin as I did so. “Sky—wait—babe, come on,” he said as he stumbled after me. I kept walking till I left the frat house. The porch light blurred as tears threatened my eyes but I wasn’t going to let him see them. I wasn’t going to give him that. He caught up moments later and grabbed my hand. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I was just pissed, okay?” I yanked my arm away. “Don’t touch me.” My voice was rough with unshed tears as I spoke. “Skylar,” he said softly as he stepped in front of me with his hands cupping my face. “Baby, you know I love you. I’m just drunk and stupid. You’re everything to me, okay?” He kissed me in a manner that was slow, familiar and tender. It was crazy how moment he was a really mean person and the next moment, he was soft. It was really crazy. “I don’t want to lose you,” he whispered against my lips. “Please.” I stood frozen as he kissed me. My heart wanted to believe him even as my brain knew better. But God, I was tired of this back and forth. So I let him pull me in. Let him hold me. Let myself believe he was going to be better “Okay. Okay, ” I whispered and let him continue to kiss me even though I knew I was letting myself believe another lie.