Chapter 1-Moments Of Anguish
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"khadijah!"
I don't want to believe. I don't want to rekindle my faith ever again but at this moment, the only thing I can think of is; God, please don't let this really happen to me!
I was powerless. In front of my very eyes, I saw my wife and child get squished off.
My feet couldn't move as I saw the events take place in seconds as my mind tried to grip the reality of the situation.
My body was numb and I was frozen; unable to do anything.
After I don't know how long, the background that had faded returned of the screams and shouts of the people all around me and my senses kicked in and my legs automatically carried me to where they were.
No.
No.
No!
As i approached Khadijah who had fallen all curled up as her arms were would around Huria delicate figure.
"Khadijah?" I her in my arms. Her body was completely lifeless and unmoving.
"No!" I screamed at the top of my lungs as I held on to them. Huria wasn't physically hurt but she was also lifeless.
People came and tried to separate my family from me but I clung onto them but soon enough the people from the hospital caught me as I struggled against their restraint as I saw them take Khadijah and Huria inside.
"Get the f**k off of me!" I demanded but their grip on me only got tighter as they took control of me. When I managed to get them off of me I ran to the ER where I say from a distance as many people worked on her. I backed up by a wall as I was getting too overwhelmed.
Why was this happening to me again? I knew that everything was happening all of a sudden and it was all too good to be true but why?
Just when I was thinking that I actually deserve this happiness and a new life with a new hope for he future, something went wrong.
"Get the paddles!" I heard someone scream and that's when I realized that the electric paddles where being pushed onto Khadijah's chest and how her lifeless body jerked up on the stretcher. I watched helpless from the other side of the glass as my chest got tighter and tighter as I watched the monitor of the cardiogram showing a flat line for Huria as well as Khadijah.
My heart felt like bursting as a nurse draped a cloth on my baby girls body. The doctors were still trying to bring Khadijah back as they started CRS on her.
At that moment, I felt completely lost and hollow. My world had not only crashed down but for the first time, I felt myself suffocate with overbearing feeling of loss and a void engulfed me.
I sank into the deepest chasms of darkness and despair.
When Cassandra a died, I felt my world had ended with her but when Khadijah came in my life and gave me happiness, something that I had forgotten and given up on. Khadijah had given me more than what Cassandra could've ever given me; a warm home, a loving atmosphere, a beautiful life and dreams- something that I had forgotten for so long; something that I had never experienced before in my life.
My legs were shaking. My cheeks felt hot and wet? What is it? I touched it and felt the wetness.
Tears? I was crying? Was I that broken?
Khadijah, you broke me and the barrier that I had build around myself for so long. Everything that happened to me so far; my past was nothing as compared to these moments of anguish.
"Mr. Atish." Someone shook my shoulder and I realized that I had slumped down yo the floor and was lying limp and numb.
I glanced at my wrist watch, it has been four hours? I couldn't find the strength in myself to stand then I noticed Larry was also here and he helped me up.
"You can see your wife now. We have shiftes her to the ICU," she said. "We weee anle to save only uour wife. Your daughter died instantly so I'm so sorry." She passed her condolences but it seemed so bleak to me.
"We were barely able to save your wife. She had died for thirteen minutes but thankfully we were able to bring her back but because she was hemorrhaging very badly, she has slipped into a coma and if she wakes up, there is a high probability that she might suffer from amnesia. The accident has felt her body scarred and battered and . . . . ," she kept on speaking and explaining but her voice had faded away in the background.
Huria; my darling baby girl, my doll, I will never be able to hold you again. You were like a shinning ray of light for both me and Khadijah but you are now gone. I wanted to love you and spoil you with all of my heart; I wanted to play with you and watch you grow up, see you dressed up and look like the envy and pride of a dotting father. But you are gone now, how will I ever face your mother; she will fall into the deepest depths of desolation that even I have wouldn't be able to bring her back.
And Khadijah, is it too late now?
Am I too late to tell you how I felt about you and what you meant to me? Am I too late to tell you what you are to me? When you wake up and you don't remember anything; will you forget about me and Huria? Will you forget about all the good times that we have had together along with all the hardships that we faced together?
I don't know whether this would be good or not.
Would I want you to forget everything? The good, the bad and the ugly?
No!
Khadijah, what should I do now? I don't know who to ask for help.
Khadijah, now is the moment that I want to say so badly; I love you.
I love you with all my heart and I need you. I want you and I will never be ungrateful again but Khadijah, please!
Please wake up.
Oh, who should I ask for help because there is nothing that I can do about it. Again, I can't do anything.
What should I do now? I feel like killing myself.
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