Favored by Indivia

06

Chapter Six

In which she needed to make a decision.

-

[Ross Pagette Monstine.]

“This is not working.”

My eyes followed Page, and the second that I noticed that she knew that I was having a hard time, I placed the brush down. I have not signed any paperwork, and nothing I did ensure that I would do what she asked me to. Clara gave me a week after that conversation, and as the days flowed by, I gave myself time to think if I was making the right choices.

Even still, nothing was working on my part.

“What is going on with you?” Page asked, leaning down to check what I had done. While she had little knowledge she could of the concept of art, I could see that she knew what I was doing. “I don’t think it’s that bad. No matter the angle, I am always pretty.”

I groaned. “Shut up.”

She chuckled, hugging me by the side. Frankly, Page is a good cousin. They fully supported my dad when he lost his girlfriend—which was my mother. Page and I might not have seen what he had gone through, but I am sure it was devastating for Uncle Gauis to check his well-being constantly.

It did stop when he introduced Natalie to everyone, as she had been the light that was always missing in his life. Nevertheless, Natalie and her family are warmly welcomed to our side. Enough that not one would think we aren’t blood siblings, to begin with.

“Are you having a hard time finding inspiration for your art?” She asked, eyes squinting to the piece. I am always surprised whenever she realizes things like this. I will never forget that she used to be a big sister that I looked up to. “I would never have guessed you would dabble in portrait. You seem to hate painting people.”

“It’s not that I hate it,” I muttered.

She frowned, tilting her head to the side. “Ah. Ryder’s moping when you don’t paint him? I could see that.”

“He was happy when I asked him to model for me.”

“Of course, he would. He always spoils you and Ryli.”

Ryder did his best to be flexible enough that I am sure he isn’t missing out on essential things for Ryli. He will always attend her events while preparing me food and things to do at home. I never felt like I was left out, and I am sure Ryli felt the same.

It meant that we were pulling him from either side, but not once did we ever hear him complain. I wasn’t sure if he didn’t see an end to the argument or wanted us to understand ourselves.

I often think that we are taking advantage of his kindness.

“While I understand that,” Page started, eyes focused on mine. “I am not sure why you seemed frantic to do this. I often see you painting, and this is the first time I see you struggling. Did something happen?”

A lot.

However, I couldn’t say that.

Page isn’t aware of the minor rivalry that I have against Ryli. Well, I hope that she does not. Even if she does, Page plays a good act in not knowing about it. While it did seem impossible, the three of us managed to hide it from everyone. If our parents couldn’t spot it when we were all living in the same house, how could our cousin—who lives miles away, would know?

“I might have got myself tangled into something I shouldn’t,” I confessed, wanting to have a piece advice as I could. “So, I needed to see if this would work before I bit onto it.”

Page nodded. “I could see that happening. You’ve always been impulsive.”

“I am not.”

“Then, how are you involved in several messes?”

I couldn’t say anything to that. It was true that Ryder needed to pull me from something that I had sunk myself into more often than most. While he wanted me to know that I had done something wrong, he would often try to understand what caused it. He would question my stupidity but never let me feel belittled in what I do.

“Well, do you want to get out of it?” She asked, leaning on the soft couch. “Because if that’s the case, I could talk to Kye.”

“What can your boyfriend do?”

“Talk to Lucas.”

I chuckled at the words. While I could see Lucas having an answer for this and would pull me out from anything—I felt a slight twinge in my heart. While I am visibly worried about what I have done, it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Which made it hard to decline.

Getting tangled with someone like Matthias would make things harder for me. Sure, I could use him for material and further improve the skill I desperately want—but for what cause? I'm not too fond of the idea that my sister’s boyfriend is the subject of my art, nor do I want to cause problems for either of them.

“You want to do it.” Page voiced out my thoughts, forehead creasing as she did. “But for some f****d up reasons, something is hindering you from doing it.”

“Well—”

“I say that you do it.” She says, shrugging slightly. I could see the exhaustion on her face as if I was the fifth person she had this type of conversation with. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

I could hurt Ryli.

It is the worse thing that I could do. As much as I do not like the comparison between us, she hardly ever did anything against me. I might want to do things to bring her down, but this is below the belt.

There are certain things I couldn’t touch.

Matthias is one of them.

Fuck it.

.

.

“You are good at what you do.”

Eyes following the voice, I spot Matthias looking at the canvas. While it was still in the drafts, I did not have the heart to tell him that the subject was him. Looking at him felt different from when I first met him. There was no rage in his system, no protective aura flashing like a warning sign.

Instead, he looked like a small child who was lost.

“Clara gave me this,” slowly raising the small paper that was also given to me; he then took a few steps towards me. Even if I knew that he wasn’t aware that I was painting him, I fought the urge to hide the canvas from his eyes. “So, you must be my instructor.”

Puffing a sigh, I slowly stand from the chair. “I’m sorry. I am not entirely sure about this. I am also still learning at what I’m doing, so I don’t think I have the skills to teach someone else.”

Matthias is taking some extracurricular activities, and if I accepted the invitation to enter the competition, he would learn how to paint whilst doing some service for the school. I don’t frankly understand why he needed to do this, knowing that he lives in possibly the highest-paid dorm in the university.

“Is that so? I’m also taking classes in the atelier…” he paused, remembering that I had spotted him with my sister. The day that he had screamed at Vivian and me must have flashed in his mind, as he seemed sheepish. “...yeah. But I could hardly catch up since I have tons of responsibilities here.”

That’s the same thing that Clara mentioned. However, there would be a lot of responsibility lying in my shoulder from the second that I did accept this. Not only will I be teaching someone else—but I needed to attend the next competition in this field.

Frankly, that isn’t even the thing I am most worried about.

Using my sister’s boyfriend as a means to continue my art seemed like something I shouldn’t be doing.

There are more cons as there are pros in this situation.

I should be thinking that I needed to focus more on what would be good for everyone, but I do want to paint him. I wasn’t sure what it is from him that I find easy nor find inspiration, but I do.

“I’m…” the sigh escaped my lips, unsure of what to say. “I’m not sure. I do apologize for giving you false hope. That wasn’t my intention. For now, I am struggling to find inspiration to my painting. So, I don’t know if I would be the right candidate to teach you.”

He seemed confused, eyes following the streak of colors splashed over the white canvas. I wasn’t sure what he was insinuating, but he did seemed he was having a hard time forming the words that he wanted to. He took a second, as if composing his words, only to pause again.

“Tha—” a pause, slowly shaking his head, he pointed at the canvas. “This is you struggling to find inspiration?”

“Yes?”

“Maybe I do not know more about art, but I feel like you’re beating yourself too hard. I don’t think I could ever make something so beautiful,” the words felt natural in his mouth, light and comfortable. There was no shade of a lie, and I could see from his eyes that he genuinely thought about that. “I think you’re more than qualified to teach someone.”

This seemed more dangerous than I ever wanted it to.

The last thing I needed from him is validation, one that would urge me to get greedy than I initially wanted to. Being stuck in a room with him, appreciating his visuals and having him as the personality in the art piece seemed intimate. My sister hardly saw me paint anything—and I would hate for her to see her boyfriend as the subject of that projects.

“I’m…”

“Clara told me that I could the model for your portraits. She told me that you needed one.”

That made me pause, knowing it was the reason why I am tied in this thing to begin with. Ryder and Page hardly helped with what I wanted to achieve as if the world wanted Matthias. I could see that he noticed that the words made some impact, as I hardly denied it. Matthias poses both ends of the spectrum for me. He’s good for my art, but wouldn’t do well with the effect of things. There are a lot of things that could stop me from pursuing him as my muse.

But am I willing to?

He is the only key element that I have to continue pursuing art. The man is the reason why I could still pick up a brush and paint something. As much as I wanted to play fair, I bet that Ryli is already passing levels every single day that I hesitate.

“Alright,” I answered, slowly offering my hand to him. “Please take good care of me.”

He let out a smile, letting me spot his gums as he did. Those eyes that used to be fierce turned soft, and I could see the very aspect of why my sister was interested in him. As much as he looked cool and composed, he has a side that seemed adorable.

“Please do the same to me,” he says.

For the sake of everyone, I do wish that I do not regret this very second.