THE DARKER SHADES OF WHITE (BOOK 2)

Chapter 3-An impass

Why is this happening to me? When I thought that my life is finally set, more trouble just bounces in my life. Is this lonely and solitude and misery not enough punishment for the sins that I had committed? Why am I still being tested?

I have been contemplating on the matter of the loan for the past two days now and I practically see no way out of this situation. I haven't been able to sleep for so long. My eyes gazed at the carpet as I waited for Mr. Shazil to come in the living room.

"I have had a word with the bank. Since your father has died and you have no source of income, so they have decreased the loan to one billion. However, I couldn't persuade them to give you more time otherwise the interest would increase."

"Was this loan Interest free?"

"Well, no unfortunately." I wasn't in favor of paying Sood because it's haram but it seems that I have no choice. Why did Abu borrow a loan with interest in the first place? Didn't he know what a huge sin it is to pay Sood?

"Did you mention that I was married?" that question was one that was plaguing my mind. "No I didn't." he replied solemnly. I shook my head in gratitude. "Thank you I appreciate that." I grumbled and relaxed. There is no way I have about to let the bank know that I am still married otherwise they would say that having a billionaire husband should serve the purpose. But I wouldn't go to that man even if my life depended on it.

"Well, I have thought about selling the cars and my mother's gold jewelry. It should fetch a good price." I told woefully. He also shook his head in concurrence.

"However, there is also another option." He added. "You father had property in Lahore and Islamabad."

"They were probably embezzled by my uncles as was my Father's company." I said. I had visited the company yesterday and it turned out that all the factories shut down due to losses and poor infrastructure of the ships. It was broken and the share holders and investors were called off. My two uncles had taken all of the money after they had sold the company.

"But I haven't given up. I will be going to my village tomorrow to take back what is rightfully mine." I declared. "Should I come with you baita? If you need professional help that is?"

I shrugged. I would need his help. "If it isn't of any inconvenience to you, than I would really appreciate it." I said under my breath and tried to smile.

So it was decided that he would come with me and deal with my uncles. Zainab baji had told me that my grandfather was bedridden and was having his last days so going there for a visit added a bonus.

My flight to Punjab was brief and within hours I was in the very village and the very house that had expelled me without trial a few months ago.

I gazed at the empty Haveili corridors with woe. So this is what happens to those people who are corrupt and arrogant. Mr. Shazil went to the lounge to meet with my uncle while a maid led me to my grandfather's bedroom. When I arrived, I took a few deep breathes, squared my shoulders and walked in with confidence. I saw my grandfather lying on a big wooden four poster bed. He looked so frail and weak and so much thinner. An oxygen mask covered his mouth. He twisted his head to face me. I took a seat near his bed. I was so nervous. I suddenly lost perspective and I didn't know what to say anymore.

"Asalam Alaikum," I greeted. I saw his eyes well up. His weak hands removed the oxygen mask. "You have so much of Asif in you," he remarked. I felt overwhelmed by what he said. I tried to control my tears and lowered my head.

"Khadijah, please, forgive me." I heard him say and when my eyes jumped up, I saw his hands clasped—they trembled yet they stayed.

"No, what are you saying. Please don't," I cried and took his hands in mine. I softly kissed his hand. "I forgave you a long time ago." I mumbled and lowered my forehead to his hands that were still joined together.

After a few moments when he composed himself, he handed me a file. "This is all that I have left and it's the best that there is. And I have named it to you." He told me. I didn't bare it any mind. I stayed by his side until he fell asleep.

When I got out, I saw Mr. Shahzil standing at the foyer. I assessed from his stern expression that it didn't work out so without any hesitation, I went straight to the lounge. Both of my uncles were sitting there.

**********

"How ever did you persuade them to give you thirty percent?" Mr. Shahzil inquired. I gazed at the wide fields that were just given to me on ten acres of land. I shrugged.

"I just told them that if they loved their father, they would give me the money that I need."

"And they agreed that easily." I asked in surprise. I shrugged again. "Then I must say that your powers of persuasion are commendable."

"Thank you."

"That means that three hundred million rupees is now secure."

"Yes, can you also please check this file and tell me how much this land is worth." I presented the files to him. He scanned through the ledger for some time while I silently enjoyed the sunlight and the warmth since it was so cold here in Punjab.

"Well," he breathed. "It doesn't look like it's worth much. It cannot possibly bring you any benefit." He said. I sighed. "That's too bad." I said under my breath. I took the ledger and went to the Haveili. We stayed there for another day and then headed for Karachi.

I had all the money transferred to my bank account; complimentary from Larry. It possessed only the money that I had earned from my last concert and when I had them exchanged, they were only made up four million more. Thankfully, after selling the cars, I had a total of 580 million—I still had a long way to go. But also along the way, I couldn't possibly risk exhausting all of my resources otherwise I would be left penniless.

**********

"Oh God," I breathed and collapsed on my bed. I had received my College entry letter this morning and I have had my eyes glued to it ever since. I will have to wait a few weeks until I could join college. New year is almost upon us in two days and as soon as this loan business it sorted out, I can say good bye to old worries and welcome new ones along with a bright hope for a decent future. However, there is one more thing that's been disturbing me that Mr. Shahzil had proposed.

My stomach growled. I haven't eaten anything since yesterday. Now that I recall, I had dismissed all of the servants too—that's probably why there has been sheer silence in the whole house. I suppose that I will have to fetch myself something to eat.

"Khadijah," Shumaila called after she knocked on my door. I told her to come in.

"Hey, how are you? I thought that you might be hungry so I brought some noodles for you." She exclaimed and sat beside me. I smiled at her wholehearted deed and began to eat.

"So . . . how's it going?" she asked. I swallowed and wiped my mouth with a handkerchief.

"I'm pretty sure that your dad must have told you everything."

"Yeah but I want to hear it from you."

"Well, considering the limited time that I have, I have to figure out what I should do about the rest of the money."

"Khadijah, I hate to see you like this. I mean, what have you thought about doing later on because you still need money and resources to continue later on."

"Yes I know. I had some money saved up. I'll use it when I will need it. I have saved one million from that amount and the rest is going in the loan." I sighed wearily and my head fell in my hands. I have been so depressed and I have tried my best not to show it.

"Khadijah," she touched my shoulder. "I hate seeing you in so much pain. Life hasn't been fair to you at all. I snorted and then scoffed.

"That reminded me of what I was told when I was being forced into marriage. I had complained that life isn't fair and I was told that we are women. Life is never fair for us."

"Still, that shouldn't mean that you should take it as the truth." She tried to make me feel better but the facts were all laid in front of me. "Look what has been happening to me . . . ," my voice broke and I started to choke on my tears. "Whatever has been happening to me proves that life will always treat me that way. I think it's a sign that I shouldn't dream happy dreams or wish for happiness 'cause that seems so far away from my approach." I jeered.

"Don't say that Khadijah, I know and pray that everything will be alright." She tried to console me. I took control of myself and willed myself into composure.

"Here," she handed me a khaki envelop. "I was able to collect some money from my relatives and close friends." She told. I glanced in it—there was a thick money stack of five thousand rupees in it.

"Thank you," I looked at her with gratitude. She smiled. "But still that isn't enough. I think that you need to contact your last source now." She proposed. I arched a brow and jumped off the bed. "I don't know what you mean." I stated, feigning ignorance.

"You know what I mean Khadijah." She said softly.

"Are you seriously kidding me?" I snapped, anger boiling inside of me. I saw her flinch with surprise and I don't blame her—I am even more surprised at myself.

I sighed to calm myself. "I'm sorry," I breathed.

"I mean why not? Legally speaking, you are still his wife. That means that you access to all of his assets." She implied. I covered my ears and tried to stay in composure with closed eyes.

"Do you seriously think that I should go and gravel at the feet of the man who presumed that I was only after his money? Do you have any idea what kind of humiliation I felt at that? And by doing what you are suggesting will only prove his suspicions to be true." I hissed through clenched teeth.

"I will never ask anything from him because technically, I was never his wife because he may be a Muslim by name and birth but he was never a Muslim; a believer when wed to a non-believer renders the marriage contract null and void."

"It's not that issue is it? It's all about ego and pride isn't . . . ,"

"I am not a charity case." I proclaimed in a high voice.

"At the moment you are."

"Shut up!" I shouted. "You know what; I don't need this from you." I spat.

"Then what will you do? Where the hell will you accumulate the entire remaining amount from?"

"I will think of something." I grumbled and sat on the carpet. There was moment of silence between us.

"He thought . . . I was just acting as a good wife to stir him up. He knew I was penniless so he assumed that I was working to catch him and accumulate as much money as I could. I mean, how could he just put all of my effort down the drain like that. So I have decided that I will live my life with dignity—it is much better to live life with dignity and self respect then a life of shame and self loathing." I claimed.

"There is nothing wrong with depending on anyone."

"Yes there is . . . and besides, I'm sure that he's forgotten everything about me and is having a grand time with his fiancé. Polygamy isn't allowed so he needed to get rid of me as soon as possible and before he could do that, I left and he must be grateful for that. He never wanted me in the first place." I leered.

"Do you hate him that much now? Because from the sound of it, it's hate talking and not you." She asked. I gazed at her face and contemplated—is she right, have I finally learned to hate someone?

"Maybe," I mumbled. But deep down, I knew it wasn't true because it hurts so much whenever I think of him. I cannot even think his name otherwise everything would come back to me and I don't want to go through that pain again.

Shumaila didn't respond.

"I have decided to sell this house." I declared and got to my feet.

"What?!" Shumaila screamed in disbelief. "You can't be serious."

"Oh but I'm very serious. This estate is worth more than three hundred million. And your father has said that if I sell it in an auction, than it can reach up to a billion. I have heard that there are many people in Karachi who are willing to buy this house."

"Khadijah, you cannot sell this house. Your father built this house with his own blood and sweat." She said. I sighed.

"It's okay. After all, it's just a house." I said indifferently.

"Khadijah, when did you get so cold." She asked with distress, her eyes bulging out of their sockets. I rolled my eyes.

"Life has made me this way." I replied and retreated to the bathroom. I don't want to see her try her way to reconcile my resolve any further.

**********

Today was finally the day when I can say goodbye to my house that cherished so many memories for me. I have cried all night and I will not cry again.

I woke up and started to pack all of my belongings again. I cannot believe that there would come a time when I would say goodbye to everything that was connected to my past, to my family and myself. After two hours, I felt hungry. When I went to the kitchen, there wasn't anything to eat. Strange, there should be something. Maybe I might have a little money to buy myself some bread and eggs.

I cannot believe that a time would come when I would face poverty to this extreme. When I went to my room to grab my bag, I only found fifty rupees in my wallet. I clenched them in my fist.

Ya Allah, is this to become of me? Am I meant for this? Is this all there is to my life? Is living in misery my purpose now?

I don't mind poverty but why this misery? Why this unhappiness and desolation?

Maybe because you deserve it; so bear with it with patience.

A small voice spoke at the back of my mind. I ignored it. No, I don't deserve this.

Oh well, all this worry had one big advantage—it didn't allow me to think about that man at all.

I grabbed my sweater and my dupatta and decided to back to the nearest bakery. I suppose that two samosas will suffice—after all that's all I can buy in fifty. The fresh air helped to clear my mind out of any doubts. The arrangements and preparations were set. Shumaila didn't speak with me for two days after our last conversation. I had sent invitations to every big shot I knew in Karachi Lahore and Islamabad. And thankfully, within two days times, many people showed interest and replied back for the invitation. Mr. Shahzil took care of everything from there, since he will be the judge tonight.

I walked through my old neighborhood for one last time. When I bought my samosas, I headed out. I was about eat one when I saw a small boy and little girl scraping for food in the trash bins. I breathed deeply—I don't need this. I'm sure that I can live another day or two without eating anything.

"Hey," I called to get their attention. They looked at me. I handed the bag to them and softly ruffled their dirty hair. They had a look of gratitude and thankfulness in their eyes when they saw what I had given them. I left them with a feeling of pride and self satisfaction despite my growling stomach and fatigued muscles.

I was walking back when a black Honda Civic passed by me and stopped.

"Khadijah!" I heard Ahmad Bhai call me. I turned around and leaned low to his car window.

"Asalam Alaikum," he greeted.

"Walaikum Asalam," I greeted back with a soft smile.

"I'm going for lunch in the Club, you want to join me?" he offered wholeheartedly. He was wearing sunglasses and maroon cardigan. He always looked so cool that way. I fought the urge to blush.

"No thank you, Bhai."

"Come on I insist. It's my treat." He urged. I was tempted by my empty stomach so I agreed and hoped into the passenger seat. He took me to our Club at the end of Phase IV. We headed inside the restaurant. He pulled out a chair for me. I was so embarrassed because I didn't plan this and I wasn't dressed appropriately for this as well and this was the first time that he offered to take me out for lunch. I was going hot and red due to his constant staring at me.

"Bhai, maybe I should go back." I mumbled in a low voice. "Nonsense, this is the first time that we get to spend some time together."

I started to panic. "Maybe I should go," I suddenly stood, my chair screeching back but he took a firm hold of my wrist.

"Its okay yar, I'm not going to eat you. Besides, I also want to talk to you." I said, taking his sunglasses off. He looked at me seriously and earnestly so I sat down and slumped and stiffened a little in my seat.

"So what will you have?"

I shrugged. "Anything will do," I said timidly. He ordered Italian food. After the waiter left, Ahmad Bhai turned his attention to me.

"So Khadijah, I have heard what happened with you. Shumaila has been very upset and worried for you." He stated. I bit my lower lip.

"Yes well, misery and troubles visit everyone's home."

"Yes but I also meant all the bad that has only happened to you recently. I was told that your marriage didn't go well." He stated. I felt startled by his remark. Why did Shumaila tell this to him? yes I did mention about the divorce but the rest was very personal.

"Yes." I agreed and bowed my head. I felt a soft touch on my hand. He was touching me so I quickly backed away.

"Khadijah, I know that you haven't seen any good days since your family passed away. Trust me I feel your pain that's why I'm offering you my help and my support. Let me help you by giving you my name." he offered. I was left dumbstruck. Did he just propose to me?

Oh this is too good to be true. I stared at him in daze.

"Khadijah?" he shook my shoulder that allowed me to come out of my trance. I tried to smile but failed. He needed an answer.

"Thank you for offering me your help, Bhai, but I don't plan on tying the knot ever so soon. I will be shifting to Rawalpindi after I have settled matters here." I told.

"Yes, but where will you go? You have no one in Punjab aside from your corrupt relatives,"

Oh God, so he knows that too. I felt so bad and embarrassed.

"Let me think about it, Bhai." I prompted. He snorted.

"Well, alright." He agreed. Our order came and I ate to my heart's content. We talked a little more about out childhood days. Seeing his carefree and childish smile also relieved me of my worries.

At noon, I had to leave because the auction was already beginning. When I arrived, all of the guests had arrived. I ran to my room and changed into something more decent.

Mr. Shahzil told me to sit on the stage. So many different people had gathered. I recognized Mr. and Mrs. Sohail from the Sohail Group of hotels and I also saw Mr. Rukhsh of the RH Industries. I never knew that this auction would attract so many prolific people.

"Don't worry, I will start the bid with three and I'm sure that it will go high from there looking at the people here tonight. Remember, the last auction in Karachi was three years ago by Sarah Kharazmi and her estate reached a trillion overnight." Mr. Shahzil gave me some courage. I nodded and breathed deeply. I was having a good feeling about this.

The bidding began. It went to four hundred million and than six hundred million. No one was moving above that.

"This isn't good." I mumbled to myself. Why wasn't anyone moving ahead. Then a person bid at seven. MR. Shahzil proceeded at seven and half which was quickly taken. But again, the bid was stuck at eight hundred million.

After a little wait, Mr. Shahzil began. "Well, than ladies and gentleman, it is eight hundred million rupees. Do I hear nine hundred million?" Mr. Shahzil prompted. No one answered. He came to me from the dais and said that we would have to stop here. I nodded—it was good enough for me.

"Very well, eight hundred million going once, twice,"

"One billion Dollars!"

Dollars? Not rupees but dollars? My eyes were bulging out of their sockets in disbelief. Who said that?

A man shouted. I think that he had arrived just now. He was an old looking man. I shook my head at Mr. Shahzil who smiled at me.

"Sir, the bidding is in Pakistani Rupees." Mr. Shahzil corrected him. he shook his head. "No, I am bidding in one billion dollars." I said firmly. I gasped in disbelief.

"Than One billion Dollars going once, twice. Sold!" the gavel was hit and the sound block sealed the deal. I breathed a sigh of relief. It was the first wave of happiness that I felt in a long time.

I ran to the man with an ear to ear smile. "Thank you much sir." I said, my tone filled with gratitude. He smiled.

"The actual bidder is from Islamabad. I am his subordinate. He will be coming tomorrow to take the papers and make the transaction." He explained. I nodded. I cannot wait to meet that generous person.

"Can I please know his name?"

"Well, he will make the introductions himself tomorrow." He said and brought forth a brief case.

"This is half—it's five hundred million dollars cheque in there. The rest my boss will pay you tomorrow." He explained. How rich is this person that he simply wrote a cheque? I must thank him personally because if its dollars, it can set my life for many years to come, Inshaa Allah.

When the auction ended after dinner, I went to my room and opened the brief case. My eyes bulged out when I saw that that person wasn't lying. The cheque really is of five hundred million dollars. But why dollars? You could buy a whole city with this much money. Maybe I shouldn't take the rest—five hundred million is enough to set me for the next ten years.

But I have to meet that man and thank him.

I asked Mr. Shahzil to take me to the bank. It was late but I'm sure that he could help me deposit the cheque safely but the bank was closed so i had to come back home.

I was so thankful to Allah.

After I got back home, I prayed all night thanking Allah for his graciousness. This is the reward for all of my patience.

The next morning, I to explored the whole house one last time. I will miss it so badly but Inshaa Allah, I will buy my own home in Rawalpindi. I waited till noon until I came to know that the mystery savior has arrived.

I was standing outside the gate, gazing at the board that declared.

Quraishi house

My father's name was engraved with it. The cool breezes began to blow. But when the sound of tires reeve came, I saw a black Mercedes Benz park just a few feet away from me. a man was coming out—I noticed that the wind caused my dupatta to fall on my shoulders. I diverted my attention at correcting it but I seemed to lose all conscious control when my eyes met with a pair of sparkling turquoise eyes set against a beautiful perfectly chiseled face.

My mouth hung open. My eyes were bulging out and my heartbeat was racing a hundred miles per second.

It can't be?! I shook my head in disbelief.

"Shehzad." I mumbled. His lips contorted into a smug smirk.

"Hello, my darling Khadijah. Wont you invite me warmly my sweet wife?" he said, his sexy voice hitting my ears like soft velvet.

I swallowed hard. This just cannot be happening.

**********