CHAPTER 1: THE RAIN THAT I LOVED THE MOST

4988 Words
(Andi’s POV) At present. After studying for a Master’s degree in Fine Arts in the UK for 2 years, I decided to come home. At first, I had no plans of coming back especially that after finishing a Master’s degree, I have been scouted to be a junior designer by a prestigious fashion company in the UK. A stepping stone of greater opportunities. My life-long dream. I was even recruited to teach at my alma mater as a part-time instructor because graduating with flying colors. With the best salary and perks of these two jobs, I couldn’t ask for more. Being 25 indeed gives me the prime for my career. The life beyond imagination. Plus, having a supportive boyfriend, Ethan Manansala. Yes! You heard it right. The other campus “hottie” of St. John High. The team captain of Knights Cavalry. The only son of the owner of St. John High. The bad boy aura whom you would expect to see in every gang trouble but with a soft heart. The one who always acts like a knight-in-shinning-armor. The one who comforted me when I experienced my first heartbreak. The one who stayed even if I frankly rejected him in the first place. The one who never fails to put a smile on my face. The one who never gets tired of making me feel extra special in anyways. The one who never stops in pursuing me until after 2 years, I finally said, “Yes!” Ethan flew to the UK after I got accepted on a scholarship to study Master’s degree. He doesn’t hesitate to go with me even if there was no assurance of an “us”. Ethan graduated in Architecture. After graduating with his course and passing the licensure exam, he was expected to work for their company, the Manansala Corp.—a top company in the field of engineering and architecture. They build huge buildings, houses, and infrastructure and even engage in the direct selling of construction materials. But Ethan didn’t accept the job. Instead, he followed me abroad. He told me he can’t stand a day without seeing me. At first, he wasn’t given the blessing by his dad but thanks to his proposal—to oversee their international branch in the UK which undergoes some rough edges on the business world, he was assigned to take over the business and to study its feasibility if it’s worth keeping or worth losing. Right there and then, he flew to the UK after a month. I was so frantic at seeing him, especially that in the first place, I know he wasn’t given a blessing from his dad. He has a company to inherit. He has a business to manage. And not just any typical business. It’s a family business that runs from generation to generation. So, the first thing I did when I saw him is to drag him into the airport and force him to leave. To go back to the Philippines—to his life who awaits for him. But Ethan, as stubborn as he was, didn’t listen to me. The more I felt uncomfortable with his presence. Because I feel like I hindered him to a bright future. But as days passed by, our unexpected reunion became something that I can’t afford to lose. It became something that gives me the excitement to wake up every morning. The drive to go on with the hardships of living independently away from your family.  I get used to it. I get used to his company. I get used to his presence. I get used to the idea that he will always be there on my side. Because Ethan has been a good friend to me since high school. Someone I can count on. A perfect gentleman indeed. I had this wild thought of how I wish, Ethan was Zac. That Zac will be more expressive with his feelings. That Zac will be more caring, sweet, and kind. But he’s not. Zac is Zac. And Ethan is Ethan. They’re different from each other. During my stay in the UK, I couldn’t remember any hard adjustments I had to take because Ethan was there for me in every single step. He picked me from school even if he had to wait a couple of hours since my classes were mostly nighttime and some professors would extend the class hours. Well, it’s not because I chose those schedules heartily but because I had to earn some money as well, to support my finances. I don’t want to be a burden to Ethan even on that matter. So, during the day, I had to work as a cashier at a coffee shop and waitress at a restaurant. During my last quarter where the pressure of thesis making finally runs over my nerves and I couldn’t even have a proper lunch and dinner, Ethan never fails to bring food for me. Even during my down moments where I felt like I’m not the best at school and that I’m not good enough, Ethan was there to make me smile and laugh. And my most loved get away from all the stress and pressure is a short road trip and a bunch of food on the side. Whenever I got sick, Ethan was there to take good care of me. Even if he also has a meeting to attend, he will immediately rush to my apartment after knowing my condition. I witnessed how he tried his best. Even if he doesn’t know how to cook, he tried to cook porridge for me while patiently looking at a video tutorial online. Even if the next morning he has to wake up early, Ethan stayed awake until my fever slowly goes down. I knew it by how uncomfortable his sitting condition was when I woke up in the middle of the night and by how he stretched his neck in the morning feeling some pain. I knew he didn’t blink an eye until my condition gets better. During Sundays, we go to church together. Then after, we go shopping—buying some stuff and groceries together. We were always been together. Every celebration, every Christmas, every New Year, every birthday, every occasion, we spent it together. That’s why even my classmates, have been teasing me non-stop for having a supportive boyfriend even if at that time, I haven’t accepted Ethan’s love yet. I appreciated Ethan’s effort in making me feel extra special. But I cannot deny the fact that I’m not yet over with Zac. And the time Zac and I shared is still fresh in my memory. I felt like everything just happened yesterday. Zac has been my best friend and my first love as well. We grew up together since we were neighbors. At a young age, we shared the ups and downs of life. And at a young age, I knew I like him at all. Even if others would probably tell me, “Hey! Kid. Don’t be so serious about it. It’s just puppy love.” But for me, it was deep, true, and real. I even dream of a future with him. But everything changes just because of that day. And it will be so unfair for Ethan if I will accept his love wherein fact, I haven’t moved on from Zac. And I cannot dare to make Ethan just a rebound. That would be so unfair for him. Ethan doesn’t deserve that. With everything he has done for me ever since their high school days, he deserved all the love in the world. A love that is sincere and true. But one day, during my graduation, I said “yes” to him. I don’t know how it happens. I couldn’t even remember the reason at that very moment. But I just felt that it has to be that day. At first, Ethan was surprised and he couldn’t grasp what was happening. He couldn’t believe I finally said yes. At last, I became his girlfriend. It wasn’t a dream. But for real. Our first three months were just pure happiness. Just like any couple, we had dates almost every other day. Holding hands while strolling in the park. Talking on the phone every night before sleeping until one of us falls into sleep. Endless road trips. Coffee dates. Movie dates. Every day was extra special for both of us.   But after three months of dating, I have to leave. I have to come home to the Philippines. Recently, I got news from my stepmom that dad is sick badly. I don’t want to go at first because that would mean seeing Zac again after what happened between us. And when I moved to the UK, I promised myself that I don’t want to see him forever. If cutting ties with my dad would mean not seeing Zac as well, I’m willing to take the gamble. Because at that time, I feel like the pain Zac has given to me is just too painful that not-seeing-him is the only option I had. That’s why after hearing dad’s condition, I hesitated to leave and come back to the Philippines. “So, you’re willing to give up seeing your dad just because of your ex?” Emily astounded me with her eyes glaring at me. Emily was my classmate in my Fine Arts class and a very good friend of mine. That’s why I was able to manage my studies while working, partly because Emily helped me a lot with my research paper, assignments, and even my thesis making. But I guess, what pave way for our friendship was the sad fact that we’re both cheated on by our ex-boyfriend. Plus, after Emily transferred to my apartment because of the breakup with her ex, the more we became closer to each other and shared each other’s secrets. After finishing our Master’s degree, we became much closer when we became workmates when both of us got a job as a junior designer in “HOUSE OF FINEST” –a prestigious fashion company in the UK. “Wait!” She bawled with her eyes rolled into a shocking state. “You still love him?” She added. “No. Of course not.” I immediately cleared her unsolicited assumption. “Are you sure?” Emily keeps on teasing me. “I’m 100% sure.” I proudly uttered. “Then, why is it hard for you to leave?” Emily asked. “If you’re moved on, then there’s no problem even if you’ll be seeing him again after all these years. You’re done with him, am I right?” “Of course. I’m done with him. I don’t love him anymore.” I strongly added. “Ans, I’m not your enemy here, okay? I’m not doubting your ‘moving on’ and ‘loving another guy as you said. Trust me, if there’s one person who would wish for your happiness that would be me. I just want you to be happy.” Emily clarified. “But you cannot tell yourself if you’re moved on if you’re not brave enough to see him again. That’s the only measure you can assess yourself whether the words you’ve been telling me and to yourself are true or not. And besides, that’s also the best assurance you can give to Ethan. You know what I mean, right?” She added while giving me a soft pat on the shoulder as she headed back to her work table. I was left in astonishment. Emily is right. Time will come that I’m going to see him. That’s for sure. No matter how I tried to run away, we will always bound to cross paths. It’s just a small world after all. But I’m still undecided. Maybe because a part of me tells me I’m not yet ready to see him. Maybe because seeing him would bring back all the pain I’ve been trying to bury inside my heart. Or, maybe I’m just scared to know the real score between me and him. And maybe seeing him would hurt Ethan as well. And that’s the last thing I will do—hurting Ethan after everything he had done for me. That’s just pure stupidity. After work, I still haven’t get over my conversation with Emily. I was sitting silently at the bus stop. Physically present but mentally absent. That’s how I would describe myself at that very moment. My thoughts were flying as high as the birds in the sky that I didn’t notice Ethan’s car was approaching. I ignored him for a couple of minutes even if he was pressing the car horn for quite some time as he told me though. But I believed he was telling me those excuses not to make me feel so bad about myself. When I get back on my senses, I saw him seating beside me quietly looking from afar. He didn’t make any sound. He didn’t ask anything despite seeing me with my worried face. Maybe he was used to it. We remained seated quietly until the rain poured out. “Oh?” I uttered to break my shameful act of ignoring Ethan’s presence. “When did you arrived?” I added to make the conversation casual. “Just a while ago,” Ethan answered. But I know it was a lie. I know he’s been waiting for me for more than a minute and wouldn’t be because of the rain, he will be waiting even until morning. “Let’s go.” He excitedly added. “Yes,” I replied. “Are you okay?” Ethan worriedly asked. Even though we spent the last two years being together almost 24/7, there are still things we hesitated to share. Even if we talked about almost everything, there are things I’m afraid to ask. And, so as he. Maybe, a part of my past. A past where Zac is part of. “Yes,” Andi answered with a smile on my face. “Where do you want to eat dinner?” Ethan asked. “Western Cuisine? Japanese? Korean? Right! You’ve been craving Korean Barbeque lately. We can’t go last time because of my urgent meeting. I’m sorry. But we can go right now. I’m free tonight. I’m all yours.” He blurted. “Let’s just go home.” I sadly blurted out with an apologetic face. “I don’t have an appetite right now. I’m sorry. I just want to go home. I had a long day at work. I just want to sleep.” “Okay.” Ethan agreed. But the look on his face is different. He felt worried. He felt like something is going on with her girlfriend. But he’s dared not to ask me. We parted silently. While lying on the bed, I couldn’t take a good sleep. I rolled to the left and the right. I covered myself with my thick blanket just like a burrito and covered my ears with my soft pillow. But, it’s not working. I drink some milk just like how my mom usually does every night I couldn’t sleep when I was young. But, still, it changes nothing. Dumbly, I counted sheep on my mind just what my best friend Emy suggested when we had an off-campus trip before. But, it’s not a success. I did some cardio to burn myself out. But still no effect. I’m still wide awake. I can’t believe just a mention of Zac’s name would shatter the walls I was trying to build around my heart. And the worst thing, I can’t stop thinking about him. Now, I feel sorry for Ethan because while we’re together earlier, I’ve been thinking about another man. I felt like I’ve cheated on him. “This won’t do,” I told myself. So, I decided to read my favorite book to sleep. I went to my study table and started reading. But even before I could finish one page, my phone beeps. A notification has been received. It was from my friend in college. I don’t know what it is about. And because of my timid curiosity, I opened the notification. My eyes bawled when I saw the photo sent by my friend. It was Zac smiling with another woman. The same woman whom I saw coming out from Zac’s condo and ended our three-year relationship. The same woman who caused our biggest fight. “If you’re hesitating to come back because of him, don’t be. He’s a jerk. He’s not living in your house anymore. After you have left abroad, he also left. And it’s been two years since we saw him. We miss you. We can’t wait to see you. You should come to my wedding. You promised to be my maid-of-honor, right? You better keep your promise. Or else, I’ll get mad at you.” The message reads. That made me laugh a bit. And then I thought, I had another reason to come back. Plus, it’s not like I’ll be staying in the Philippines for good. I’m only staying for dad and to attend Cloe’s wedding as I promised before leaving for the UK. The next day. I finally decided to go home to the Philippines. It took a couple of days to finally decide to come back. A lot of hesitation. A lot of what-ifs. Probably, I just needed some push to do so. But something’s bothering me though. I haven’t told Ethan about it. As his girlfriend, I had to tell him at least. Just like how Ethan, confided all his decision to me even up to the unnecessary things. I always had a say in every decision he has to make. So, I have to do the same. “Good morning!” Ethan greeted with a smile and kiss on the cheek. “Good morning!” I responded. “What is it?” Ethan asked out of the blue upon looking how uneasy I was. “It’s about my dad.” I expressed. “What about him?” Ethan added. “Tita Yoly called the other night. She said dad was sick.” I explained. “How was he? Is he badly sick?” Ethan worriedly asked. “I don’t know exactly. But he wanted to see me.” I added. “So, you should see him,” Ethan added. “You should be with him.” “Is it okay?” I asked. “Of course.” Ethan happily said. “He’s your dad. I know you wanted to take care of him especially now that he’s sick. He needs you, Andi. And I know how much you missed him. Plus, I could remember your words in the past that when you’ll get married one day, you wanted your father to stay with you. That’s the promise you made to your mom, right?” “Thank you.” I voiced as I hugged Ethan. Then the day came for my flight back to the Philippines. I was excited because, after more than two years, I’ll be seeing dad again. I’ll be seeing my friends. And I’ll get to visit mom’s grave after a long time. “Don’t worry. I’ll follow you as soon as possible, okay?” Ethan comforted me. “I’ll just finish some things here and I’ll come running to you.” He laughed. “Okay.” Andi expressed. “Bye!” “Bye!” Ethan bids farewell as he kissed my forehead. “Take care. I love you.” I nodded while waving her hands as I get inside the departure area of the airport.  *** In the Philippines. My flight landed safely.  As soon as my feet step on the premises of NAIA, I feel surreal. I can’t believe I’m back. I felt like everything just happened yesterday. But I composed myself immediately. I only have a month of leave thanks to my best friend, Emy who took all my work left in the meantime. I only have a month to do the things I have to do.  “You’re here to see your dad, Andi. You’re here to take care of him. You’re here to attend Cloe’s wedding. You’re here to see your friends. You’re here to visit your mom’s grave. Nothing more. Nothing less.” I murmured. But even before I can find a cab, the rain suddenly poured out. I can’t believe even the rain is present wherever I’m at. Upon seeing a cab approaching, I quickly signaled my hands for it to stop. I run immediately. But before I could get in, someone was also at the same time pulling the door of the car. I was so pissed off at that time since I was already getting wet. So, I yelled endlessly. But I suddenly stop when I saw who the guy is. It was Zac. Despite getting stuck and soaked in the rain, my body couldn’t move as if it was paralyzed. And everything flashes back like a memory. (Flashback) Summer of Thirteen. I was crying after seeing my mom lying unconsciously on the road full of blood. My mom got an accident while she was on her way to fetching me after running away from home. I run away from home after dad scolded me because of wanting to go to my friend’s birthday party on the beach. It was already night time and I left home without any note or anyone’s knowledge of my whereabouts. It was raining hard that night and I know my parents were very worried especially my mom who treats me like a jewel. Maybe because as what my nanny would always tell me that mom waited for so long to have a bay since their marriage five years ago. And when I came, my mom was filled with much joy and happiness. That’s why she truly treasures me like a precious diamond. Anything I would ask, my mom, will give it to me easily. No buts. No ifs. That’s why when I left that night after getting scolded by dad, mom rebuked him. Then, hours passed by. I called mom’s phone. Crying, scared, and telling her to come and pick me immediately. Mom swiftly drove the car. I knew it seeing from afar while she was approaching me. But unfortunately, the car she drove was the car to be handed down to the mechanic shop due to some trouble. At first, she hesitated to use it. But because she can’t wait for my dad to come home, she took the car. Just a few distances from seeing each other, her car got hit by a raging truck on the other side. It was like a ball being thrown and rolled into a distance. I was so shocked at that time. I got scared as it happens in front of my eyes. But what made me so scared is when I saw that the car looks familiar. It looked like one of the cars from our garage. I slowly walked towards the car. Then, tears keep on falling on my eyes when I saw my mom lying unconsciously with blood. “Mom?” I wept. “Mom wake up.” When the rescue came it was already too late. Mom passed away. Ever since that day, I rarely smiled and talk. I remained in my room lying on the bed while hugging mom’s photo. I barely eat. Even if my friends would visit me, I won’t get out of my room. I build a wall cast out from the world. At a young age, that’s my way of coping up with my pain. Because of dad's worry, he took medical help. But it didn’t help me at all. I didn’t cooperate with my doctor. At that time, all I want is my mom. But one day, a cute young boy took courage and knock on my door. This boy is my neighbor. The eldest son of my mom’s best friend, Tita Beth.  My first playmate at school. My buddy always listens to my not-so-good singing skills. And the only one who stood by me when that accident happens even himself getting a soak in the rain. Actually, on that day, Zac was with me. He came when I called him crying after not getting any response from my parents. And he was also there when my mom died. He cried with me. He wept with me. Even if I ignored him, he just stood outside my door while reading my favorite fairy tale book. Even if I won’t respond to any of his words, he remained to talk to me. Even if I pushed him away, he stayed willingly. I even saw him sleeping on the floor just outside the door of my room. Seeing him falling asleep soundly makes me laugh somehow. I don’t why but maybe a thought came to mind—that I’m not alone. I have a best friend on him. I took the book he’s holding and covered him with a blanket when he suddenly woke up. Because of feeling embarrassed, I immediately rushed towards my room and locked the door. But, Zac was persistent in teasing me about how my face suddenly blushes. Afraid of getting caught with my crush, I covered myself with my blanket. “Hey!” He shouted. “I’m just joking, okay? I’m sorry.” He apologized. “Promise. I won’t tease you again.” But I didn’t indulge in his apologies since I was too embarrassed at that time. Then, rain poured out. “Hey! It’s raining. Let’s go outside and play just like before.” He invited me. Upon seeing how the rain poured heavily, I open my window and extended my hands outside. As the rain touched my hands, I feel happy as if childhood days came by like a memory. I was filled with happy thoughts. Then, I suddenly remember mom words telling me every time I’m feeling sad especially when my dog died. “Andi, life doesn’t guarantee happiness every day. Bad days are always part of life. But that should not hinder you to look at things the other way around. People come and go. The world changed and so as Zeus—(my dog’s name). But even if he’s not physically present, it doesn’t mean he’s not here. Yes, you can’t see him. But he’s on your heart. He will always be. He left you with good memories to reminisce whenever you missed him. Remember even if the world will leave you, the memories you shared with them will be yours forever. It will not depart from you because moments became memories only when shared with people you love.” Mom’s words somehow comforted me. That’s when I open my door and smiled at Zac. He took my hand and we went down the stairs to go outside the house. Just like when we were very young, we played in the rain as if the world is ours. We run. We jump. We throw water at each other with the help of the water hose. We enjoyed that moment of playing freely in the rain. Somehow, it comforted my pain. I started to laugh again. I started to be happy again. I became a child again—living freely and happily. Just like how the rain washes someone’s soul, it washes my pain of losing my mom. It might not change the fact that she’s gone, but it taught me to live again—to look things the other way. Just like my mom’s words telling me that happiness is a choice, I choose to be happy. I want to be happy.
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