Prologue
“You think I want this? That I wanted what happened to us?” I cried, my hands balled into fists as I stared at him sitting across the table. His brown eyes were hard, cold and unreadable as he looked away from me, his arms crossed over his chest.
Who was this, Chris?
It cut a hundred times over, the way one moment I was his world and the next I was nothing. How easy it was for him. I couldn’t help but let a manic laugh escape my lips as I let it go. I let my fingers relax, and I let the anger go. He looked back up at me, the shock and confusion clear on his face this time.
“It was so easy for you, everything was handed right back, and you were suddenly loved again, but what about me? Do you know what happened to me?” I asked, slipping back down into the seat I had kicked away from the table. “I was left broken. I had nothing but Clay and Nicky. I came back,”
I wiped at the tear slowly falling down my cheek with the back of my worn out sleeve of my grinch shirt. His eyes widen a little as he sat up in the chair, his attention suddenly completely and utterly on me. For a second, it reminded me of the past, the way he used to be so focused on every word-
But this wasn’t the past. This was now.
“I came back and you. . . You’d already moved on-“
“Moved on?!” He screamed, now it was his turn to loom over me as his hands slammed down on the table, causing the bowl with a few bananas in it to vibrate. “I never moved on from you! No matter how much I tried, I could never wipe you out of my head.”
He stood up, knocking the chair to the ground as he towered over me, my body jumping at the sudden reaction. “You possessed my every f*****g thought. It’s like I can’t wipe you from under my skin; I still f*****g feel you. I tried, I tried forgetting you, cutting you out like- like you were some kind of infection I could never be rid of!”
His hand curled into a fist as he slammed it into his chest; his face morphed into pain as he stepped around from the table, storming towards me as I jumped up from my chair. The air was knocked right out of my lungs, my legs like jelly, as I struggled to take a few steps back into the small kitchen wall. But he didn’t stop; he kept coming at me until he was a hair strain away.
“I didn’t give a blazing f**k about the press or Jose! I would have let it all burn for you. No matter who I was with, who I touched . . . it was always you. Like some f****d up obsession, you were always there, every kiss, and it was you I was pretending to kiss everything was always you. Don’t you ever tell me I moved on again? That was all I wanted to do, what I tried- and I-” his eyes searched mine, his jaw tensed as his hand shot out, his fingers brushing my cheek so gently I could almost convince myself it was a trick, but the shivers that erupted down my skin told me otherwise. “I’ll never be able too. I’ll never move on from you.”
His breath hit my lips as I had to bite down on the inside of my cheek to keep the moan from rushing out at that all too familiar contact.
Jesus Christ! How was this even possible? How can he still have this effect on me?!
“I’m guilty of a lot of things between us, Fay, but not loving you? That’s never been one.”
“It’s a little late now,” I whispered, forcing my eyes to drop from his. If they didn’t, I don’t know what I’d do. The way his whiskey brown eyes held mine was almost too much to take, it was like I could feel him inside me again as the tension built up under the surface, every muscle in my body suddenly tightened.
“I know.” he replied, his voice tight as his eyes continued to burn a fire through me.
“And you shouldn’t be here.” my words were shaking now as I struggled to take in any air.
“I know.” God, why wasn’t it easing? My thighs pressed harder together as I licked my lips digging my teeth into my bottom lip now.
“If anyone see’s you here . . . it could ruin everything.” It could ruin you and Chole.
“I know.” He muttered again, this time I was sure he was getting closer, his forehead grazing mine as I struggled to keep in a whimper.
“So what should we do now?” my voice was barley above a whisper as his eyes darkened almost instantly.
“This.” without thinking, his hands cupped both my cheeks and his lips slamming against mine as I threw myself against him. My arms wrapping around his neck, holding him closer as his hands snuck down to my thighs lifting me up and wrapping my legs around his torso.
Holy f**k.
We are so screwed.