here i am

I woke up with the sun rays spilling in throught the windows literally saying I dragged my weak body out of the bed Looking at it. It was supposed to be my matrimonial bed but had instead became my worst nightmare the one that I get raped in everytime he comes drunk I felt sick I went to take a bath and soaked my tired body in the bathtub scrubbing my body until it was red, I wanted so much to get rid of the pain of his touch everytime I thought about it I felt the need to throw up  but this time the need was too much I rushed to the toilet and held the seat up with my head down and my hair getting in my face , the little food I have ate in the past few weeks went down the drain. When I was done I picked my self up and finished my shower and put my clothes on quickly, no matter what he does to me I can’t let him see the scars he inflicted on me I still want him to fall in love with me like I am crazy with him It is pitiful how the only real daughter of the werewolves kingdome ended up like this because of james I met him in my sister’s birthday he is a shifter too the king of dragons. From the first time I saw him I fell in love with him I can’t tell if it was love or just the desire to get the hell away from the pain that was caused by my family but I didn’t know that what was coming was far worst I accepted directly the marriage proposal which made my father really happy because he was finally able to give the throne to my little step sister I was actually happy for her only if they didn’t completely cut their connection with me I may be the queen but I was never treated nor felt like one if that wasn’t bad enough I can always tell when he goes around sleeping around he comes to my room with a female perfume on him and hickies But I never dared to ask I was afraid of pain and punishment the last time I asked I was almost killed by him After dressing up, I left my room, over the few years I have been here I lost so much weight that none of my clothes fit me anymore I still walked with my head high It’s sad that everyone here bows down to me as I walk by but neither of them like me and I can’t trust them with anything they always wanted a dragon queen but got a wolf less queen When I got to the dinning room I found Jason already seated and eating with another female next to him whispering and giggling with him I felt my anger rise but I kept my cool and sat down next to him but I couldn’t eat much I had lost my appetite on the sight of james with that girl I started feeling sick so I pushed my plate away and got up, I expected him to follow me but of course he didn’t I felt the need to throw up even more now so I rushed to my room and the little food I had was gone “where are you?” I heard james voice in the room I didn’t even hear him come in I quickly washed my face and left the bathroom “yes?” I said “why didn’t you eat?” I looked at him and couldn’t help but wonder if he was worried about me, I felt my hope rising but was soon dashed “the last thing I need is them thinking I’m mistreating you!” he yelled slapping me in the process My face stung and I felt my tears and my little hope was crushed ‘he is never going to care’ I said to myself “who them?” I asked despite my fears he starred at me shocked that I spoke I wasn’t much of a talker he only heard me when I was screaming at night for him to stop But it’s not like I have anyone to talk to anyway “we are going to your old kingdome your father asked for us” My mood suddenly plummeted from bad to happy “really! When are we going? For how long?!” I asked excited about seeing my family again but he looked at me with disgust “we leave tonight for three days” then he left but I was really excited to see my family again. Even thought he didn’t really want me I still loved him with all my heart Without waiting for the maids I started packing my things after that I spent the rest of the day in the castle garden reading a book at exactly six o’clock in the evening a maid came to escort me to the car and as expected I was alone We set out immediately and when we reached the whole pack was waiting for our arrival, the moment I stepped out of the car I was crushed into a hug by sam my best friend I felt the tears run down my face and couldn’t help but wonder what’s wrong with me? I grew up with sam. Her parents were on the royal army but died along with my mother on a battle so she lived in the castle where we got so close “what’s wrong?” she asked looking at my face I wiped my tears and shaked my head “ nothing I just missed you” Then I looked up and there was my family I have missed them so much “we will catch up later” I said hugging her once again before running to my father expecting a hug at least. It’s been so long but he looked at me coldly that stopped me dead in my track I knew that he didn’t want me but I still hoped “father mother” I said bowing down but they didn’t even look at me I looked at my stepsister and saw the look she gave Jason who was walking towards our little gathering Father and my step mother gave him a quick warm hug the one I had always wished for. I felt the pain in my heart but I still forced a smile “let’s go in shall we?” father said and Jason nodded and we all walked in I looked around the castle I grew up in. I could still hear and see the little healthy me running around playing with sam The memories are always here but now I looked worn out with no sign of life “hey sister” caroline called dragging me out of my reverie “oh hey carol” I replied smiling “how Is james treating you angel?” she asked I felt a predomination and couldn’t help but look at her weirdly “good…?” I replied She gave me a sweet smile and left ‘finally’ I sighed I wasn’t in the mood for any drama episode with my sister “father I don’t feel well I will be going to my room first” I said and ignored the glaring james and left I knew something was definitely going on with my sister I was beginning to feel nauseous again . when I walked into my old room I felt at home I summoned a servant and told her to fetch a doctor for me “you are pregnant my queen” the doctor said beaming at me. With that word said I felt my world collapse with my hands protectively around my stomach, I ordered her to leave and not to disclose the secret to anyone I didn’t want my pup to be a result for rape but when did I ever get what I wanted I convinced myself to think positive maybe the news will make Jason love me besides he will love the idea of havinga heir and my father would appreciate me too with that thought I got up from my bed and left to look for my family I walked around the castle but It was empty no sign of life. I looked around for anyone who would help me get in touch with my family but not a single soul was in view The place was deserte, I decided to look in my father’s office I was getting a bad feeling but I ignored it With my hands protectively around my stomach and a big smile I preceded towards the office From the door I heard my father laugh along with my step mother loudly and my smile got bigger I was glad they were in a good mood everything was just right I was going to knock but I stopped with my hand still raised in the air and my smile was long gone The words were clear I couldn’t have miss heard them “I know right she still thinks I will love her” Jason said I pressed my ear at the door to hear more “hahaha don’t worry my love soon she will be dead and we will be together then our kingdoms will be one” I heard caroline say Love? Dead? What are they talking about!? And about who? “we are really sorry you had to marry  that worthless pup it must have been really hard on you but no worries I’m sure Carolina will help you have an awesome night tonight right my baby” I heard my step mother say It’s me who they were talking about my stomach churned with disgust and my heart broke in pain I was expecting my father to reprehend then or maybe it was a joke but I was in for another disappointment “indeed we are” I heard my own father say Without thinking I barged in seeing my sister in his arms left me on my knees crying my eyes out “ANGEL!!” father yelled “how dare you barge in without knocking” “you never hugged me this way” I didn’t care nor hear what father said I kept looking at the betrayel of my love and sister “HOW DARE YOU!” my father came and pulled me up with my hair then slapped me but my eyes were always on Jason “I’M YOUR WIFE NOT HER I’M THE MOTHER OF YOUR CHILD YOU RAPE ME EVERYNIGHT BUT I NEVER LOVED YOU ANYLESS HOW COULD YOU!” I yelled not believing it “you b***h, what do you want more? Are you going to change the fact that Jason loves me and not you I already gave you two years with him all for yourself Aren’t you satisfied” caroline said gritting her teeth “YOU LIAR YOU HELPED ME GET MARRIED TO HIM YOU CONVINCED FATHER” then it hit me father I looked at him “how could you? I’m your daughter your own flesh and blood” I said on my knees again but he never even spared me a look was he even my dad I thought I looked at Jason who was in some kind of sick world of his “did you just say the mother of my child?” “yes you monsters I’m pregnant I came to tell you this” I yelled Before I process what was happening he ran to me and kicked me I grunt I was in so much pain but I still tried to protect my baby as much as I could He kept kicking me in the stomach and I curled my self trying to protect it as much as I could “I didn’t wish to kill you so early too bad” he said getting a sword out then stabbed me I turned to my father I was his child even if he hates me just the baby please protect my child “h-help m-my baby father please” I cried begging but he didn’t even look at me I felt the sword leave my stomach and go thro my chest I looked up I wanted to carve the faces of the people present into my mind a lone tear escaped from my eye but instead I was happy mother I’m coming to you with my child away from the cruel world I didn’t want to keep the question in my head so I asked with my last breath “w-why…?”