Remember Me Fondly

JUNE 23 NAME? Do I have to write it down? First, this subject is poorly related to my course. So suck ass*erasure*. I'm sure as I'm breathing here that you won't read this, nor any of my classmate's journal. Okay, rule number 1. No erasures. There. You can mark my grade easily when you read that introduction. (BUT HOW COULD YOU SET THIS RULE? PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES) Honestly, these past few days, I want to lie down and do nothing. Act like Helen did not break up with me. Damn, the name stings. Iyong prof namin ay sinabihan kaming gamitin ang buong oras ng klase para sa pagsusulat dito sa journal na 'to. Ewan ko lang kung hindi mapuno ng random s**t itong notebook na 'to. So, Helen. Have you done skinny-dipping again with - Wait, what's his name? Evan? Sounds like evil to me. I don't know what you saw in him to cheat on me and let me take all the blame because I was a sore loser, a humongous reprobate with no brain, a fu/cking student with little possibility of better future, for that matter. You even said I bore you to death. That I don't make you happy anymore or love you. That was all true except that I love you. And you throw it all away. Shit, Helen, you had my name flunk for the grand scheme of things. And who's Evan, by the way, for my professor's hearty laugh? Well, brother, as the story and world goes on, like any other cliché plot, he is my friend. My best friend. And wait for it. My brother. Wait, what, brother? Yes! Oh, Helen, you forgot Evan is my brother. You cheated on me for my brother. What is wrong with you? Hindi ko alam kung may gusto ka bang patunayan, Helen. Rule number 2. Write everything you want. Include profanity, if it fits. Putangina. Ang totoo niyan, eh, tatlong buwan pa lang kami ni Helen pero dumating na kasi ako sa puntong nagsawa na lang ako sa loob ng tatlong buwan kasi niligawan ko siya ng isang taon at pitong buwan at apat na araw. Nagsawa kasi maya't mayang gusto ni Helen ng surprises and s**t pati paglabas sa mga pukinanginang Starbucks o City Buffet o Star City o Mall of Asia. Nagsawa lang akong magkikikilos, pero hindi siya ang pinagsawaan ko. As a matter of fact, three days lang naging idle iyong bulsa ko, eh, nag-iinarte na siya. Aba, puta! Ayos mukha. Whatever happened to the women of the universe? Rule number 3. Write the truth, and nothing but the truth. Or, make a story with interesting fictional plot and no banal. Failure of submission to make a story catchy, singko agad. Pangungunahan na kita, Professor Marcus, this journal is s**t. I don't want you expecting to read some oh-so-fu/cking-amazing things from me. I am nothing but your average student. Hindi ako marunong magkwento o i-describe ang feelings ko, hindi ko rin mapagpilian kung anong lenggwahe ang gagamitin ko. I am confused. I had Helen cornered three weeks ago. I asked her, “Do you love me?” She did not respond. Helen stared at me blankly. “So tell me you love me.” Shameless begging. Kingina ko talaga. “If you don't, then lie. Lie to me, I don't care.” Tapos iyong mga sunod niyang sinabi ay para na lang ako sinipa sa bayag kasabay ng paghampas ng alon at pagtirik ng labing-pitong umaapoy na bitwin. “I don't lie, Ed. If I tell you that I still love you, you will believe me and then you will forget all about it. If I lie, I will be devastated. If I lie to you once more, I am a fu/cking b***h, and that's all I'll ever be.” Fu/cking b***h, that's right. Hindi ko alam pero gustung-gusto ko talaga siyang magsinungaling ng araw na iyon. Siguro para sa ikasisiya ng kalooban ko. Para sa kaalaman na ako lang iyong lalake sa buhay niya. Eh, gago nga. Pinatulan iyong kapatid ko pa na lagi naming kainuman at kasama sa iba pang kalokohan? Helen, did you ever have to tell the truth? Somehow, you just have to lie in order to let things as it were. Aaminin ko na, kahit gaano pa naging kabantot ang pangalan mo sa pandinig ko nitong mga nakaraang araw, minahal pa rin kita. Kung tutuusin, kahit hanggang ngayong sinusulat ko ito, eh, may damdamin pa rin ako sa iyo. Pero 'di naman ako tanga o bobo katulad ng gusto mong palabasin. Marunong din akong maghanap ng night club at super proxy diyan sa may Q. Ave. Easy-han mo lang, makakarating din ako sa puntong dadaanan ko na lang iyong kwarto ni Evan nang walang bahid ng kademonyohan sa isip tuwing maririnig ko kayong mag-feeling pulot-gata sa bahay. Good vibes. Rule number 4. Minimize the casualaties. If fictional: three-four characters should be allowed. If diary: you're gonna have a bad time remembering the names, Prof. Marcus. May sasabihin nga pala ako, Professor Marcus. Tutal ay nandito na rin naman ako at nagsusulat, one hour and a half before break, ay gusto ko lang ipaalam na “alam ko.” Does that make sense? It should. Para sabihin ko sa iyo, sa College of Engineering lang kalat iyong video. Don't worry, wala ako niyon sa cell phone. Sila Cielo, Callape, Dureto, Villaluz, Domingez, at Zamaro ay meron. You can check them. I'm not selling them. I am just saying that you're just a human being after all. Gumagawa ng s*x video, I mean. Disgusting one. And you are one of my casualties. Yeah, well, good luck. To wrap everything about my 23nd of June entry, I have Helen, Evan, and your (Marcus') name. I will keep the list long. But why do we have to do this? Isang malaking kalakohan 'to on our part. Binayaran ka namin para lang umupo sa classroom at magsulat ng kung anu-ano sa isang notebook? But in all honesty, wala akong pake. Hindi ko naman pera. Hindi ko pa napagdedesisyunan kung sino ang kausap ko rito. I don't think it will be Helen or Marcus or Evan or even my parents and friends. I'd like to settle with you. You will be my keeper. (Some serious gay s**t) Next week, same time, same place. Booze and kisses to you, pal. Adios MAMA FOXTROT, Ed.