Luck

1817 Words
I felt my cheek violently throb and it sting so hard, feeling it pulsate after that hard slap.  I fell on immediately right after I felt that force on my cheek. It throbbed so hard that I didn't realize that my hand moved on its own to gently cup that cheek, hoping that it would somehow ease the pain. But, of course, it wouldn't. It would take another couple of days before a bruise completely heal.  But I'm used to this. Whenever I disappoint him, he would hit me as his personal punching bag to release his tension from a hard day at work. Not only because of that. He hated me. He had bottled up his anger ever since that time she left him. And every now and then, his anger erupts.  Everything I do seem to disappoint him like I haven't done anything good. Even the good things I do seem to be a disappointment. And since hitting me wouldn't be enough, he would throw insults, degrading me to the dirt as if I'm someone who's not of his blood. I've heard these words over and over again, these insults he now spits at me again and for so long, I believed it. My father just found out my secret relationship with one of my block mates from the university and it clearly pissed him off. To be honest, I think he's more pissed off than ever. Having a relationship with someone else other than my fiance will put him at a disadvantage especially since this betrothal is more of like collateral. My father needed that man for his business ventures and one way to seal the deal is to marry me with that man. It's like I'm still living in the age of our history when women are treated like money to pay a debt.  "You're f*****g engaged!!" My father shouted in anger. His deep voice thundered it had me flinching while I try to pull myself up from the cold marbled floor. "You know you're engaged since you're fuckin' fifteen! How dare you have a f*****g boyfriend?!" He continued yelling. I dared not to talk back because I know I'll be hit again when I do. All I can do is sit still on the floor and wait for him to storm out my room like he always does when hitting me does not give him any relief anymore. He will get tired eventually so I just need to hold this position and stay quiet.  By now, I've gotten used to this beating and horrible degrading that sometimes tears won't even fall from my eyes despite the stinging sensation I feel on my body. It hurt like hell like everything is feverish and it throbs violently that it sometimes makes me pas out. And the insults he threw had become so common that it doesn't affect me at all. I've accepted it. This is my truth. Maybe, my tears have run out dry.  Maybe, I've become numb. But this doesn't rule out the fact that still terrified of him. I may not be crying but my body continues to tremble. Maybe I've gotten so used to his beating that my body can already tell when it's gonna get beaten by how my hands and knees tremble. The tremors somehow tell me that I need to anticipate that iron fists again. Every time I knew I screwed up, I suddenly feel my whole body tremble even if he's not around, and it would travel on my knees until it engulfs my whole body, and my stomach would hurt like it wanted to turn upside down. But my father wasn't always like this. I was 10 when things turned out for the worst and lead to our situation today. My father changed when mom divorced him. Apparently mom had a secret affair with his secretary and they decided to leave the country after the divorce. And that b***h of a mom left me with him... My father then became addicted to alcohol. Maybe that's the only time he forgets the pain as he drowns himself with it. I know he loves mom so much and learning that she had cheated on him with his so-called friend had taken away his sanity. She took his heart with her and left me with a psychotic drunkard. He was always drowning in both work and alcohol. It actually surprises me that he managed to synchronize work and alcohol really well. But at the end of the day, when he sees my form, all the rage erupts.  I wonder why he hates me so much... And he made it very clear when he spoke about her.  The first time he hurt me was when I complained about missing mom. I kept whining about wanting to see her because he never had the time to take care of me. I missed my mom so much that I demanded to see her. I was a child back then. And it's natural for a girl to miss her mom. However, I think he doesn't see me a child back then, nor his child. He slapped me in the face real hard that my lip bled. Granny was around that time and saved me. But Granny will not be able to stick around forever and save the day... of course, she couldn't. No one could live forever.  My father hated how I look and he reminds me of that every day. He said I resemble mom so much and because of it, I myself have hated the face I have. I thought I was pretty. They told me I'm pretty but after mom left, I never heard that word from anybody in the house. Every time I'm complimented by others, my father's voice echoes loudly in my head. And ever since then, my life at home became hell on earth.   He starts hurting me whenever I do something that displeases him. There are times I never learned what I did wrong and will just be surprised when I got home. He would drag me from my door to the living room just so everyone in the household would witness how cruel he is.  Maybe he finds amusement by hurting me. Maybe it's his way of revenge for the woman that left him. But with hell at home, I found a haven from my boyfriend.  Or so I thought in the beginning.  I found out later in the relationship that my boyfriend's not any different from my father. Both their hands are made up of iron. I fell in love with my blockmate when I was still in college. I met him at the university we both attended. He and I had a few classes together and our relationship started really smoothly. I love Damon. He was the first guy to make me feel loved. But that's just at the beginning. A facade.  You'll never really know your partner's true colors at the beginning of the relationship. Time passed and the sweetness, the care, and the love sometimes weren't there. He suddenly became just like my father. He beats me whenever I displease him. He also gets jealous so easily with both girls and boys alike that befriends me. He had set rules for me to follow whenever we're going out and if I break them, he'd give me a good beating. He knows my father beats me and he actually hated him at first and he cared for me as no one else did. But that changes whenever someone else gets closer to me. Now, I kinda feel like he's afraid of my father, too. Well, who wouldn't be? I sometimes think that he thinks I deserve to be beaten up 'cause whatever I do, it seems it's never good enough for the both of them. I know I'm stupid for staying with him after all the things he does to me... but I love him. I couldn't give up the feelings that he made me feel when he first confessed his love to me. I've been holding onto that and it's what keeps me going. That memory of love and warmth is what kept me staying. It's the only good thing I know so I just can't give it up. I always reminded myself that he would take me away from my father's harsher punishment. That's what he promised to me. Damon had always comforted me whenever I run to him and he would embrace so tightly that I felt safe, and every time he does this I'm reminded of the Damon I fell in love with is still there somewhere. I just had to please him to keep him from beating me, too. My father then crouched down and grabbed my chin harshly, forcing me to look at him. But I looked at him blankly despite how I tremble. I'm so used to this that I can already tell how he'll hit me next. "You will no longer see that boy." He snarled. His breath stinking of whiskey while his teeth gritted briefly before speaking again, insulting how Damon is a lowlife. Damon wasn't as well off as my father is.  That's when it hurts the most. That's when tears my tears fall uncontrollably. I knew those words were coming. And hearing him telling me to break it up with him, to keep away from him is unbearable. All my life, I tried to do everything he asks to avoid getting beaten but... being with Damon is the only thing close to happiness for me. "Adam will be here in less than 3 days so you better behave. You'll do as I say or that boy won't see another day." He threatens, throwing me back to the floor then bolted out my room. I heard the door clicked and right then and there, I knew I'm trapped and all I do could is just silently sob on my own. Adam. Six years ago, my father and Adam's father had arranged our marriage. I know him. Who doesn't know that man? He's almost like a celebrity. He's tall and charming, he had a well-built body and his appearance is neat yet attractive. He's known as the youngest and most successful amongst the men of our generation. And when he assumed the position his father left him with, their business flourished. He's aggressive when it comes to business opportunities and because of his good looks, the media took an interest in him But I haven't met him. I haven't seen him in person. They say he was a good man.  Heck, all of what they say about him might be just a facade. My luck with men will prove it.  I thought Damon is a good man. But his looks and the first impression I had with him feels like an illusion I couldn't let go. Everyone who knows him thinks he's a good man. But they don't know what he's like when we're alone. But more importantly, with all that's happening now, how could I tell this to Damon? He knew about the engagement but breaking it off with him? I can't do it... But more I'm afraid of what my father will do to him if I kept our relationship.  
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